everybody by sight.

The first to rise was Mr. HAROLD BEGBIE, but he failed to catch the
Chairman's eye, which had been secured by Mr. H. G. WELLS. This
well-known strategist rose to point out that what England wanted in the
event of an invasion was the man, the gun and the trench. When he said
man he meant an adult male of the human species. A gun was a firearm
from which bullets were discharged by an explosion of gunpowder. A
trench, he averred, amid loud protests from the ex-Manager of the
Haymarket Theatre, was a long narrow cut in the earth. He had already
pointed out these facts to the War Office, but had received no reply.
Apparently Earl KITCHENER required time for the information to soak in.
Was it or was it not a national scandal? His new nov---- (Deleted by
Chairman).

After a little coaxing, Mr. EDEN PHILLPOTTS was persuaded to rise to his
feet. He said deferentially in the first place that he was not a savage.
(General cheering, in which might be detected a note of sincere relief.)
He lived at Torquay. (Oh, oh.) He had never been to London before, and
was surprised to find it such a large place. (General silence.) He had
been a pacifist--(Hear, hear)--but he now thought the GERMAN EMPEROR was
a humbug. He wished it to be known that his attitude was now one of
great 'umbleness. The war could go on as far as he was concerned.
(Applause.) Although he had given up writing about Dartmoor he had that
morning applied for the post of Military Member of the Invasion
Committee of the Torquay Division of Devonshire. (Profound sensation.)
He didn't know if he should get it, but his friend, Mr. ARNOLD BENNETT,
with whom he used once to collab---- (Deleted by Chairman).

Mr. HAROLD BEGBIE then took the floor, but was interrupted by the
arrival of the Military Member of the Invasion Committee of the
Thorpe-le-Soken Division of Essex.

Hanging his feathered helmet on the door-peg and thrusting his sword and
scabbard into the umbrella-stand, Mr. ARNOLD BENNETT took a seat at the
table, afterwards putting out his chest. Mr. WELLS was observed to sink
into an elaborately assumed apathy. But in his eyes was a bitter envy.

Mr. BENNETT, after clearing his throat, said that he had settled the
War. Everybody was to do what they were told and what that was would be
told them in due course. He and the War Office had had it out. He had
insisted on something being done, and the War Office, which wasn't such
a fool as some author