t----.... 24
A correspondent who has just returned from the
firing-line tells me that----....................... 18
It is freely stated in Brussels that----............ 17
Our correspondent at Amsterdam wires that----....... 13
Our correspondent at Rome announces that----........ 11
Berlin (unofficial)................................. 10
I learn from a neutral merchant that----............ 7
A story is current in Venice to the effect that----. 5
It is rumoured that----............................. 4
I have heard to-day from a reliable source that----. 3
I learn on unassailable authority that----.......... 2
It is rumoured in Rotterdam that----................ 1
Wolff's Bureau states that----...................... 0

We didn't put in my wife's other sister who lives on the East coast,
because I don't like to hurt people's feelings. My wife hears from her
frequently. Her average is about nineteen to one against, so that her
proper place on the list would be bracketed with the story from Venice.

* * * * *

TREASURES IN STORE.

He is a great man in the Pantomime world. As he rose from his roll-top
desk with the evident intention of kicking me, I hastened to explain
that I was only a harmless reporter come to look at some of the new
lyrics.

"Ah," said he, "that alters the case. I thought you were another topical
songster. Now here's a clever little piece about the Navy."

I stretched out my hand for it.

"No," he said. "So much depends on intelligent expression and emphasis
that I'd better read it to you. I think of calling this one 'The Battle
of the Brine.'

"The seas roll high, and the smoke around does hang,
And the Dreadnoughts steam along in line;
The big guns boom and the little fellows bang,
And the shells go bumping in the brine!
The flags run up, and the Admiral says, '_Now_, Sirs,
Buck up and send the Huns to Davy Jones!'
Then the Captain cheers, and the men hitch up their trousers,
And they all give Hohenzollern three groans!

"There it is;" and the Great Man fairly purred with satisfaction. "_Une
petite piece de tout droit_, isn't it?" he said. "I gave you a hint of
the tune. It needs a stirring one."

"It does," said I, delighted to be able to agree with him on one point.
"And you have other songs equally topical?"

He pointed to a bale in the corner that I had taken for a new carpet.
"I've h