a rub-a-dub drum,
But till Barbara's birthday last Wednesday week
Not one of the Teddy-bears was dumb.

The latest addition to Barbara's bears
Was a splendid fellow when well displayed
In one of the smallest of nursery chairs,
And his label declared he was "English made."

Barbara called him her "bestest bear,"
But he tumbled soon from this place of pride;
For she squeezed him here and she pounded him there,
And "Daddy, he doesn't growl," she cried.

Barbara shook him and flung him down;
She turned her back and refused to play;
And to every argument said with a frown,
"He's my worstest bear; he can go away."

We took him back, and we asked instead
For "A bear like this, that can growl, you see;"
But the shopman smiled and he darkly said,
"All growls are made, Sir, in Germany."[1]

Footnote 1: No doubt this defect in the British industry has by now
been made good.

* * * * *

THE NEW REPORTING.

TONBURY _V._ HAILEYBRIDGE.

(_A Rugby Match reported after the style of the German General
Staff. The passages in brackets are the work of a neutral
correspondent._)

Our brave Tonburians kicked off against the wind and immediately assumed
a strong offensive along the whole line, forcing the enemy to evacuate
his positions. When we reached their Twenty-five it became clear, after
a furious struggle, that a decision was inevitably about to be postponed
on account of the unexpected strength of their defence. (One try to
Haileybridge which was converted.)

After some fierce scrummaging in mid-field, in which we had all the best
of it, it was found necessary, owing to strategic reasons, for our
forces to occupy entirely new positions some thirty yards nearer to our
own touchline. Thereafter there was nothing whatever to report. (Try to
Haileybridge.)

When the game was resumed it soon became evident that the situation was
developing according to our expectations. (A dropped goal to
Haileybridge.)

Fighting continued, but there was no new development to report. (Two
tries.)

At half-time the head-master heartily congratulated the Tonbury Fifteen
upon the magnificent victories they were gaining against superior
forces, and assured them that it would soon be over, and they would all
be back in time for tea. He then conferred their caps upon the whole
Fifteen and an extra tassel upon the Captain. It is understood that the