gets together in New York an' f'rgets th' cares
iv th' wool an' tallow business in an outburst iv devotion to th'
ol' land fr'm which our fathers sprung or was sprung be th'
authorities.

"Th' prisidint iv th' bankit was me frind Morse K. Cheeseshop a
mimber iv an ol' Yorkshire fam'ly born in th' West Riding iv Long
Island befure th' Crimeyan War. At his right sat th' Sicrety iv
state f'r th' colony, an' at his left me frind th' ambassadure to
th' Coort iv Saint James. Why we shud sind an ambassadure I don't
know, though it may be an ol' custom kept up f'r to plaze th'
people iv Omaha. He's a good man, th' ambassadure, who is
inthrajoocin' th' American joke in England. Hogan says th'
diff'rence between an American joke an' an English joke is th'
place to laugh. In an American joke ye laugh just afther th' point
if at all, but in an English joke ye laugh ayether befure th'
point or afther th' decease iv th' joker. Th' ambassadure hopes
to inthrajooce a cross iv th' two that ye don't laugh at at all
that will be suited to th' English market. His expeeriments so
far has been encouragin'.

"At th' conclusion iv th' eatin' th' chairman, Sir Morse Cheeseshop
inthrajooced th' sicrety iv state in a few well chosen wurruds.
'Fellow Colonists,' says he, 'I desire to presint His Majesty's
ripresentative in this counthry who is doin' more thin anny other
man in th' plastherin' business,' he says. 'Owin',' he says, 'to
mimbers iv th' Sinit lavin' a hod iv bricks fall on his head
recently, he has not been able to do much on th' job,' he says.
'But he has brought his throwel and morthar here to-night an' if
ye will kindly lave off singing' "Brittanya rules th' prosperity
wave" f'r a minyit he'll give ye an exhibition iv how he wurruks.
Me Lords an' gintlemen, th' sicrety iv state:'

"'Fellow subjicks,' says th' sicrety iv state, 'diplomacy is far
diff'rent business thin it used to be. (A voice, 'Good f'r you.')
In th' days iv Bismarck, Gladstun an' Charles Francis Adams 'twas
a case iv inthrigue an' deceit. Now it is as simple as a pair iv
boots. In fifteen years th' whole nature iv man is so changed that
a diplomat has on'y to be honest, straight-forward an' manly an'
concede ivrything an' he will find his opponents will meet him
half way an' take what he gives. Unforchunitly diplomacy on'y
goes as far as the dure. It is onable to give protection to th'
customer, so whin he laves th' shop th' sthrong arm men iv th'