er bout a dozen lines. I arst the clerk wot it ment. He culdnt: say
til he seen wot number the wot-is-it had. After lookin over his leger he
found that No. 36 stood for Eli Perkins and a grate big bord bill.

I've hurd it sed that it showed enterprise for a noosepaper man to
intervue distinguished guests, so I thot it'd do purty neer as well to
intervue a distinguished liar. So I got the clerk to sho me up to Mr.
Per-kin's room.

It feel like I'd got up a rung or two on the ladder alreddy, cos the
edither thot my peece wot I rote bout the intervue was good, and its
goin to be put in to-morrer mornins paper. I rite it down in your pages,
Mister Diry, so as I can look at it wen my hart grows weery strugglin
for fame and wriches:

"After xchangin good mornins, the _Buster_ reporter sed:

"'Mr. Perkins, youre one of the biggest liars in America, aint you?'

"'Who sed I was one of 'em, yung man?' sed he, gettin mad, and comin
over to were I was sittin, like he was goin to formally interduce his
patent lether pumps to the paches wot I sit down on. 'Who sed so? Name
him instanly, and I'll brand him as an infamous liar. Me, one of the
biggest liars in America. It's mene, to, contemtabel. To think that I
shuld hav toiled a life to stablish a reputashun, only to be classed as
one of the biggest liars of America. No, young man, you're rong. I am
the grate I am liar of the unyverse.'

"By this time our reprysentative was feelin like he'd mistakin his
callin, but musterin up courage, he sed:

"'Mr. Perkins, I'm a yung aspyrant for jurnalistic onhers. Can you give
sum points on the bizness, wot I culd use to advantage?'

"'Yes, my son, you becher bottom dollar, I can. Alwus bear in mind
that the three furst principels of moddern jur-nalism is Prevaricashun,
Eggsaggeration, and Magnifycashun. For instance: If Tallmage, in his
sermin, sez he b'lieves there's a hell, you want to be sure to rite it
up thusly: "Rev. Tallmage, havin just returned from a short visit, held
his hearers spellbound for a hour, yesterday morning, by his grand and
vivid discripshun of the mildness of the climat of a salubrous summer
resort" This wuld be a excellent illustrashun of Prevaricashun.

"'Eggsaggershun would be like this: If a candydate of the oppersishun
treats a fellow to a glass of beer, you wanter say: The barrel's ben
tapped, and fabulous sums are bein expended to inflooence voters, and
never forget to hed the artickel Fraud, Corrupshun, a