lot of old bills
to collect.

I found it purty had work, cos every-bodie 'peared to be perticklar fond
of pay-in all there bills next week. I was gettin diseurraged, and I
didn't like to go back to the offis without no munney, so I thot up a
littel skeem. There was a big flour deeler wot owd a bill of $40, wot'd
got outlored. So I went over to his offis and ast the clurk to tell him
I wanted to see him on pertickler bisness. The clurk sed he was orful
'ngaged, & I'd better call round next week, and praps he'd hav time
to tork to me. I insisted and told him to tell Mr. Paynuthin, that the
bisness wot I warnted to see him on was a matter of immense importanse
to himself. Soon as I got in, I sed: "Mr. Paynuthin, we've got on to
sum very valuabel informashun, wot'll make your fortune, if the other
flourmen don't get it fust. Now, if you'll pay up this bill, I'll giv it
to you at wonce, and you'll get the inside trak on 'em." I seen he was
gettin interested, so I concluded, by sayin: "Now if you don't get this
in-formashun, it may leed to your ruin." He didn't say a wurd, but went
to the safe, and got out the $40, and I receeted the bill, and axt him
for a peece of paper, cos he mite forget it if I didn't rite it down.
Then I wrote in big letters: "Owe no man a cent," and biddin him goodby,
I took a hasty departure. The skeem work'd splendid every place I went,
only at wun old lawyers offis, and he sed: "Yung man, I've been cheetin,
fleecin and beetin everybodie for the last forty years, and there aint
no noosepaper man livin wot can tell me eny eeseier way to mak a
fortune. Git out," and I got. Mr. Gilley says I'm the boss collecttur,
and orter hire myself out to a Mutual Life and Accident Asso-shiashun as
assesment gatherer.

CHAPTER XXVII.

MINSE PIE AND DREEMS.--TERRIBLE RETRYBUSHUN.--WOT'LL OVER
TAKE A GOOD MENNY.--VIRTUE RECEIVES ITS REWARD.

I guess the wurry of collecktin yesterday afternoon muster wurked upon
my mind, cos, last nite, I dremt a dreem, wot'd maid each seprate hare
on the heds of every delikent subskriber stand on end, and sing out "Pay
up your noosepaper bill, old feller, if yer dont warnt a skorschin in
the dubius hereafter."

Ma and Pa was out, cos it was prayer meetin nite at our church, so I
went ter bed urley, cos I was frade wen they cum home, they'd miss the
hull minse pie wot I'd ete.

I'd just bout got ter sleep, wen I smelt a orful smell, surgestiv of
a straw hat rev