sipels, that they are now, down stares, humbly
bitin' the dust of the dinin room flure, and confessin there mannyfold
sins, & trespasses, to the open and obligin eers, of half a dozen nickel
plated cusspy-dores.

CHAPTER XV.

IN A TROY HOTEL.----GRAND REVUE AND MILLYTARY
DEMONSTRASHUN.--THE ATTAK OF THE LEEGUNS.--HOLESALE DETH AND
CONFUSHUN.--THE RECALL.

I feel most too tired to rite in you tonite, Mr. Diry, but I guess I'll
tell you wot made me feel so xerted. After the meetin and banquet was
over last nite, the cullured gentelman, wot was in attendanse, at the
hotel, ushered me up to my room wot was on the skie balconey teer.

[Illustration: I CREP OUTER BED AND LIT THE GAS. ]

I got off my cloes & jumped inter bed, as quick as possibel, cos I was
purty well used up. i'd jest got inter a sleep, & was dreemin I was a
candydate for Preserdent, on the no-nuthin platform, with Benny Butler
hung on the tail of the ticket, wen I was woke up by feelin sumthin like
a lectric shock creepin over me. I begun to get scared, cos I felt like
I was gettin the seven yares ich, so I crep outer bed & lit the gas.
On xammenashun I found a feerful lot of little wite lumps all over my
bodie. Then I looked at the sheets, & a grande site was presented to
my vishun. There on a littel knoll, of the fether bed, stood the
commander-in-chief, surrounded by his staff, issuin orders. Grouped all
round, in regyments, divishuns, & briggades, were comanys of privats
in their full dress parade unyform of scarlet. As each regyment defiled
passed the Commander, the band struck up the Nashunal anthem of:--

"Bite, Brother, bite with keer
And do your dutie as a bed buggeer."

The processhun was the most imposin I ever seen. The entire time taken
in passin a given point was two hours and ten min-nits.

At eggsactly 2:20 a.m., the army formed in a holler square, with
the officers in the middel. The high priest then passed round them,
skatterin insense all over the soldjers, and xhortin them to stand firm,
cos vick-torie, glory & spoils was rite within there reech. Then he
skattered sum more insense, wot smelt wuss than limbugger cheese, all
over them.

By this time it was 3 a. m., and I was gettin sumwhat nervus and
cold, in my abbreevyated costume, my mercyfull disposishun and other
considerations restrayned me from dealin out holesale slorter to the
enemy. Wile I was tryin to devise meens to recapture my fortress