n Mr.
Gilley, in answer to a request to say sumthin bout the tariff, sed:
"Gentlemen and other Demmercrats, I regret very much that I can not
axceed to your request to menshun that all important questshun, the
tariff. My hart is reddy to bust with greef wen I think how menney
of you listened last Thursday nite to that Republercan demmygog, John
Sherman, and was deseeved. I met that gentelman in a hotel in New York
the other day. Sum one axed him if he'd sed enything in his Troy speech
bout the tariff. 'Yes,' sed he, 'I fed them durn country gallutes with
tariff taffy til they was runnin over.' I shall refrane from sayin
enythin more on the subject, cos you want to let your stummacks settel
again fore you take a nuther emettick." Mr. Gilley finished up his
speech, by pointin to the glorious victory in Oio, and urgin the
dem-mercrazey to "wurk, wurk, for the day is at hand. Look at Oio. A
Republican legislatur begat a baby, & it called it Seccund Amendment
Propersishun, it put it up, for the admirashun of the peepel. The
demmercrazy had a baby also, it was cristened Wiskey, it grew fat,
saucy, & popular. Seccund Amendment Propersishun appared to hav ben a
littel too previous, wen it come round, & grew to be a littel, puney,
sickley, child. Wot would eny mother have done? Wouldnt she have hired
a wet nurse? Did the Republican mother do this? No, gentlemen, not by a
long shot she didn't! She got ashamed of the baby, & abandoned it at
the dores of the wimmin of Oio, leavin it to them, to bring up on the
bottel. This was not all, gentlemen, the hartless mother got jellus, &
tride to steel littel Wiskey. But the grate buxom, german frawleen, wot
he had for nuss, couldnt see it a tall. Too much bottel. Too much W.
C. T. U. soothin sirrup, & too many wimmin, killed the poor littel cast
off, Seccund Amendment Propersishun, and the remanes was berried last
Tuesday. Littel Wiskey is growin to be a big & lazy boy, mother & father
doin well."

This was too much for the crowd 'cos they got wild with nthusyasm, &
shoved us in a carriage, & hauled us all over Troy.

The luv I bare the grand, anshunt, and onherabel partie of the grate
unwashed, tempts me to pass over, the grand finale of todays proceedins.
But my dutie as a chronickler of actooal events, compels me to menshun
the fact that after our late drive tonite, the select sircle of
pollytishuns, partuk of a banquet, and becom so full of grattytude, sour
mash, and old borbon prin