with a red sawcer wot she sez she uses for newralgy.

You bet, this devil felt proud, promerinardin his gal down the ile to
the front orchestrey chares, wots reserved for us rep-rysentatives of
the metrypollyton press.

I got out my note-book and pencil, and me and Maria ete candie, talked
sweet, and wated developments.

I'll pass over the prolog, and giv you the report jest as it was printed
in this mornin's _Buster_:

"Last evenin, the curtin, in Niblo's theattur, rose to a large,
appreshiativ, and bald-hedded audiense wot sit in the orkerstry cheers.

"The play wot come on the staige for the furst time in 'Merica was
'ntitled 'Hosiery Henryettur, or A Boom in Fancy Goods.' The plot
was novel, romantik, and excrushiatingly interestin. The principal
charackters is Henryettur, a assthetick young ladie, dorter of a
Fillydelphy lawyer, and Augustus Angerlinus Fizzlesprung, a dude, wot
wares a eye glass and carries a gold plaited kane, wot he chews sted
of terfaackky, cos his nerves is week. Henryettur is orful sick 'bout
Gussy, and wuld giv her lock of Horsecar Wild's hare, wot she carrys in
her bussum, if Gussy would ony tumbel and marry her. But Gussy wouldn't
tumbel if the hull of Broadway'd fall on him, cos he's mashed on a lot
of dudines wot do the balleyin act in the academme. The furst act was
very utter, in fact too utterly utter for utteranse. The scenery was
grandly sublime, bein a combynashun of sunflours and Baltymore
oysters, wot are sed to be very assthetick. The seccund scene is more
commonplase, cos it reprysents a green room of a theat-tur with the
artists sittin round a tabel, makin a supper off of Boston baked beens
and shampain sawse. Gussy 'pares in the background and givs the gals $5
to danse a bally for his own speshell benerfit. Then they all cam to
the front of the staige. We guess they b'long to the femail econymist
persuashun, cos they all 'pared to be very eccornomical in goods wen
they maid there skurts, or else they got there dresses wet, cos they've
shrunk way up 'bove their nees, and way down b'low there necks. The
clerk wot sold 'em there stockins must of warrented them to wash,
cos there all colors, and there bout the only part of there does wots
anyways long. The dan-cin' part of the performanse didn't 'pare to be
much appreshyated by the older porshun of the audiense, cos they shaded
their eyes with their opera glasses and blushed on the top of there
heds, were there hare used to g