out half way up, and got stuck.

"They are in all cullers, and are desined for weerin in wet & slushy
wether. The're called 'Good Xcuse' Stockins, cos they giv the blushin
weerer a good xcuse, for not gettin her skurts wet & muddy. The mouse
looks orful naturel, and sum of these days, we'll heer of sum gallant
corndocktor of the Ell R. R. gettin a kik in his stummik, for grabbin
hold of one, wile he labers under the impresshun, that he is re-leevin
the fare weerer, of a indyskribeibel aggerney.

"The neet thing in a hat is a littel bunch of yaller & green velvit,
surmounted by a derminutiv Tommas cat, wots got his back up, and his
tale runnin down the lady's neck. It costs a hundred & fifty dollars, &
the lady's, all say its too sweet for anything.

"Wimmin's logic is curius enyway. If there all mashed, so bad, on Tommas
cats, Y, in the name of Pennylope Pennyfether, dont they sit up sum
moonlite nite, at a back winder, armed with a dubbel barrel shot gun,
& slugs? Then they'd get a durn site more'an they'd use in a hull
lifetime. This would 'pare to be more senser-abel than payin Lords &
Tailor's 150 dollars for a little insignifercant kitten, wot aint cut
his eye teeth yet."

CHAPTER XVII.

DUMMIE "ADS"--WARNTED, A WIFE, BY THE RELIGUS EDDITUR.--
THE CLIMAX.--BABYS, BABYS EVERYWERE.--A HORRID RECH.--
EXPLERNASHUNS AND PACIFERCASHUNS, WITH A TWENTY-FIVE CENTER
AS DESERT.

Since the big reduckshun in price of the mornin papers, them wot
didnt cum down much hav ben usin all sorts of skeems to keep up their
circulashuns, so yesterday Mr. Gilley desided to run a cuppel of collums
of free wanted advertisin. To start the ball a rollin, he maid me rite
off a lot of dummie wants. I put in most everything I culd think of,
from the soft and luvin pursernel to the big & clumsy steem engine.

Wen I got down to the oflfis this mornin there was a orful crowd of
wimmin on Park Row, all ranged along the edge of the pavement, with bout
a hundred extra purlice keepin them in singel file. I couldn't for
the life of me imagine wot was up, till I went up steers and seen the
per-sesshun filin in and out the religus edittur's offis dores. Then I
remembered the advertisement I rote, wot red like this:

"Warnted, a rotund, bucksom, good-lookin and good-natured madin,
suiterbel for a wife. One wot knowes enuf to put on stile & run a
fashernable stablishment. Apply urley at this offis, to the religus
edittur."