he
block to air hisself. Pa came home to dinner and when he got a smell of
the house he opened all the doors, and Ma put a comfortable around her
shoulders, and told Pa he was a disgrace to civilization. She tried to get
Pa to drink some carbolic acid. Pa finally convinced Ma that it was not
him, and then they decided it was the house that smelled so, as well as
the church, and all Sunday afternoon they went visiting, and this morning
Pa went down to the health office and got the inspector of nuisances to
come up to the house, and when he smelled around a spell he said there was
dead rats in the main sewer pipe, and they sent for plumbers, and Ma went
out to a neighbors to borry some fresh air, and when the plumbers began to
dig up the floor in the basement I came over here. If they find any of
that limberger cheese it will go hard with me. The hired girls have both
quit, and Ma says she is going to break up keeping house and board. That
is just into my hand. I want to board at a hotel, where you can have a
bill-of-fare, and tooth picks, and billiards, and everything. Well I guess
I will go over to the house and stand in the back door and listen to the
mocking bird. If you see me come flying out of the alley with my coat tail
full of boots you can bet they have discovered the sewer gas."

MRS. LANGTRY.

America is to be visited by the most beautiful woman in all England, Mrs.
Langtry. It is said that she is so sweet that when you look at her you
feel caterpillars crawling up the small of your back, your heart begins to
jump like a box car, and a streak of lightning goes down one trousers leg
and up the other, and escapes up the back of your neck, causing the hair
to raise and be filled with electricity enough to light a circus tent, and
that when looking at her your hands clutch nervously as though you wanted
to grasp something to hold you up, a sense of faintness comes over you,
your eyes roll heavenward, your head falls helpless on your breast, your
left side becomes numb, your liver quits working, your breath comes hot
and heavy, your lips turn livid and tremble, your teeth chew on imaginary
taffy, and you look around imploringly for somebody to take her away. If
all this occurs to a person from looking at her, it would be sudden death
or six months illness, to shake hands with her. If she comes to Milwaukee,
there is one bald headed man going to the country where they are not so
bad. You bet!

A PECK AT THE CH