s, and you should have placed on the table before you ten
dollars stamped out of silver bullion on one plate and nine dollars
stamped from cheese bullion on another plate. Which would you take first?
Though the face value of the nine cheese dollars would be ten per cent
below the face value of ten silver dollars, you would take the cheese. You
could use it to better advantage in your business. Hence I say cheese is
more valuable than silver, and it should be made legal tender for all
debts, public and private, except pew rent. I may be in advance of other
eminent financiers, who have studied the currency question, but I want to
see the time come, and I trust the day is not far distant, when 412-1/2
grains of cheese will be equal to a dollar in codfish, and when the merry
jingle of slices of cheese shall be heard in every pocket.

Then every cheese factory can make its own coin, money will be plenty,
everybody will be happy, and there never will be any more war. It may be
asked how this currency can be redeemed? I would have an incontrovertible
bond, made of Limburger cheese, which is stronger and more durable. When
this is done you can tell the rich from the poor man by the smell of his
money. Now-a-days many of us do not even get a smell of money, but in the
good days which are coming the gentle zephyr will waft to us the
able-bodied Limburger, and we shall know that money is plenty.

The manufacture of cheese is a business that a poor man can engage in, as
well as a rich man, I say it without fear of successful contradiction, and
say it boldly, that a poor man with, say 200 cows, if he thoroughly
understands his business, can market more cheese than a rich man with 300
oxen. This is susceptible of demonstration. If any boy showed a desire to
become a statesman, I would say to him, "Young man, get married, buy a
mooly cow, go to Sheboygan county, and start a cheese factory."

Speaking of cows, did it ever occur to you, gentlemen, what a saving it
would be to you if you should adopt mooley cows instead of horned cattle?
It takes at least three tons of hay and a large quantity of ground feed
annually to keep a pair of horns fat, and what earthly use are
they? Statistics show that there are annually killed 45,000 grangers by
cattle with horns. You pass laws to muzzle dogs, because one in ten
thousand goes mad, and yet more people are killed by cattle horns than by
dogs. What the country needs is more mooley cows.

Now t