ny more
bummer for us, and no man must ever tell us how to save two shillings on a
meal.

HOW TO REACH YOUNG MEN.

"How to reach young men," was the topic at the young men's prayer meeting
on Thursday. An old gentleman on the East Side who broke a toe nail by
kicking the gate post just as the young man went down the sidewalk, would
also like to know. Bait your hook with a mighty good looking girl that
wears a sealskin cloak, and you can reach the young men.

CRUSHING NIHILISM.

The Russian government is making an average of four thousand arrests a day
of persons charged with nihilism. At this rate it is only a question of
time when the last of the conspirators will be in prison, and the emperor
can walk out without fear of assassination from his wife and children, as
these will probably be all the people that will be left.

WOMAN-DOZING A DEMOCRAT.

A fearful tale conies to us from Columbus. A party of prominent citizens
of that place took a trip to the Dells of Wisconsin one day last week. It
was composed of ladies and gentlemen of both political parties, and it was
hoped that nothing would occur to mar the pleasure of the excursion.

When the party visited the Dells, Mr. Chapin, a lawyer of Democratic
proclivities, went out upon a rock overhanging a precipice, or words to
that effect, and he became so absorbed in the beauty of the scene that he
did not notice a Republican lady who left the throng and waltzed softly up
behind him. She had blood in her eye and gum in her mouth, and she grasped
the lawyer, who is a weak man, by the arms, and hissed in his ear:

"Hurrah for Garfield, or I will plunge you headlong into the yawning gulf
below!"

It was a trying moment. Chapin rather enjoyed being held by a woman, but
not in such a position that, if she let go her hold to spit on her hands,
he would go a hundred feet down, and become as flat as the Greenback
party, and have to be carried home in a basket.

In a second he thought over all the sins of his past life, which was
pretty quick work, as anybody will admit who knows the man. He thought of
how he would be looked down upon by Gabe Bouck, and all the fellows, if it
once got out that he had been frightened into going back on his party.

He made up his mind that he would die before he would hurrah for Garfield,
but when the merciless woman pushed him towards the edge of the rock, and,
"Last call! Yell, or down you go!" he opened his mouth and yelled so t