hey could get, and Pa sat next to a woman who used to be a nurse in a
hospital, and when she smelled Pa's cheese she looked at him as though she
thought he had the small pox, and she held her handkerchief to her nose.
The man in the other end of the pew, that Ma sat near, he was a stranger
from Racine, who belongs to our church, and he looked at Ma sort of queer,
and after the minister prayed, and they got up to sing again, the man took
his hat and went out, and when he came by me he said something in a
whisper about a female glue factory.

[Illustration: "JUST AS I AM."]

"Well, sir, before the sermon was over everybody in that part of the
church had their handkerchiefs to their noses, and they looked at Pa and
Ma scandalous, and the two ushers they came around in the pews looking for
a dog, and when the minister got over his sermon, and wiped the
prespiration off his face, he said he would like to have the trustees of
the church stay after meeting, as there was some business of importance to
transact. He said the question of proper ventilation and sewerage for the
church would be brought up, and that he presumed the congregation had
noticed this morning that the church was unusually full of sewer gas. He
said he had spoken of the matter before, and expected it would be attended
to before this. He said he was a meek and humble follower of the lamb, and
was willing to cast his lot wherever the Master decided, but he would be
blessed if he would preach any longer in a church that smelled like a bone
boiling establishment. He said religion was a good thing, but no person
could enjoy religion as well in a fat rendering establishment as he could
in a flower garden, and as far as he was concerned he had got enough.
Everybody looked at everybody else, and Pa looked at Ma as though he knew
where the sewer gas came from, and Ma looked at Pa real mad, and me and my
chum lit out, and I went home and distributed my cheese all around. I put
a slice in Ma's bureau drawer, down under her underclothes, and a piece in
the spare room, under the bed, and a piece in the bath-room in the soap
dish, and a slice in the album on the parlor table, and a piece in the
library in a book, and I went to the dining room and put some under the
table, and dropped a piece under the range in the kitchen. I tell you the
house was loaded for bear. Ma came home from church first, and when I
asked where Pa was, she said she hoped he had gone to walk around t