.

"Halt!" commanded the sentry.

"Halt nothin'," yelled the gob; "I'm two hours late now."

The railings of a big transport on its way to France were lined with
very new soldiers when a massive gob hurried by, bent upon some urgent
duty.

"Gangway! Gangway!" he shouted as he passed along the deck.

"Gee, that guy'll catch hell when they find him," murmured one of the
recruits. "They been hollerin' for him all mornin.'"

"Hollerin' for who?"

"Why, that guy Gangway."

FRIEND--"How's your boy getting on in the army, Mr. Johnson?"

JOHNSON--"Wonderful! I feel a sense of great security. An army that
can make my boy get up early, work hard all day, and go to bed early
can do anything!"

He was a very young officer, who looked as if he should be wearing
knee breeches.

One day when his company was up for inspection at the training camp,
one of the men remarked in a tone of deep sarcasm. "And a little child
shall lead them."

"The man who said that, step forward," was the immediate command. The
entire company stepped out and repeated the quotation.

The lieutenant looked up and down the line. "Dismissed," he announced
shortly.

The men thought they had gotten the better of him, but not for long,
for that night at retreat when the orders for the following day were
read they heard: "There will be a twenty-five-mile hike tomorrow with
full equipment, and a little child shall lead them--on a damned good
horse."

HE--"Have the car ready at the Admiralty at 4:30."

CHAUFFEUSE--"Very well."

HE--"I am accustomed to being addressed as 'My Lord!'"

SHE--"I am accustomed to being addressed as 'My Lady!'"

Aunt Nancy was visiting an army camp and as she approached some
rookies were sitting on their heels and then rising to a standing
position in perfect unison.

"What are the boys doing now?" she asked.

"Why, those are the setting-up exercises," explained an obliging
sergeant.

"Humph," remarked auntie. "Looks to me more like settin' down
exercises."

Passing a hand over his forehead, the worried drill-sergeant paused
for breath as he surveyed the knock-kneed recruit. Then he pointed
a scornful finger. "No," he declared, "you're hopeless. You'll never
make a soldier. Look at you now. The top 'alf of your legs is standin'
to attention, an' the bottom 'alf is standin' at ease!"

A sergeant was trying to drill a lot of raw recruits, and after
working hard for three hours he thought they seem