'm the rider--
see? (Sits on a chair, with face to back, and works imaginary
pedals.) You're the dog. I'm passing the farm-yard. Bow-wow! out
you spring--grab me by the bone--I--ah--I mean the leg. Pouf! I
shoot you with ammonia. [Suits action to the word.

Bradley (starting back). Hi, hold on! Don't squirt that infernal
stuff at me! My dear boy, get a grip on yourself. I'm not really a
ki-yi, and while I don't like bicyclists, their bones are safe from
me. I won't bite you.

Mrs. Perkins. Really--I think that's a very ingenious arrangement;
don't you, Mr. Bradley?

Bradley. I do, indeed. But, as long as we're talking about it, I
must say I think what Thaddeus really needs is a motormangun, to
squirt ammonia, or even beer, into the faces of these cable-car
fellows. They're more likely to interfere with him than dogs--don't
you think?

Perkins. It's a first-rate idea, Brad. I'll suggest it to my agent.

Bradley. Your what?

Perkins (apologetically). Well, I call him my agent, although really
I've only bought this one wheel from him. He represents the Czar
Manufacturing Company.

Bradley. They make Czars, do they?

Perkins (with dignity). They make wheels. The man who owns the
company is named Czar. I refer to him as my agent, because from the
moment he learned I thought of buying a wheel he came and lived with
me. I couldn't get rid of him, and finally in self-defence I bought
this wheel. It was the only way I could get rid of him.

Bradley. Aha! That's the milk in the cocoanut. eh? Hadn't force of
mind to get rid of the agent. Couldn't say no. Humph! I wondered
why you, a man of sense, a man of dignity, a gentleman, should take
up with this--

Perkins (angrily). See here, Brad, I like you very much, but I must
say--

Mrs. Perkins (foreseeing a quarrel). Thaddeus! 'Sh! Ah, by-the-
way, Mr. Bradley, where is Emma this evening? I never knew you to be
separated before.

Bradley (sorrowfully). This is the first time, Mrs. Perkins. Fact
is, we'd intended calling on you to-night, and I dressed as you see
me. Emma was in proper garb too, but when she saw what a beautiful
night it was, she told me to go ahead, and she--By Jove! it almost
makes me weep!

Perkins. She wasn't taken ill?

Bradley. No--worse. She said: "You go down on the ' L.' I'll
bike. It's such a splendid night." Fine piece of business this! To
have a bicycle come between man and wife is a prett