dn't worn her back hair that way she'd
have fractured her skull.

Perkins. Ha, ha! They all tell the same story. Barlow said he
always wore a beaver hat while Cheeseborough was on the floor, so
that if Charlie ran into him and he took a header his brain wouldn't
suffer.

Mrs. Perkins. Nevertheless, Mr. Cheeseborough learned more quickly
than any one else in the class.

Perkins. So Barlow said--because he wasn't eternally in his own way,
as he was in every one else's. (A ring is heard at the front door.)
Ah! I guess that's Bob and Jack.

Enter Jennie.

Jennie. Mr. Bradley, ma'am.

Perkins. Bradley? Wonder what the deuce he's come for? He'll guy
the life out of me. (Enter Bradley. He wears a dinner coat.) Ah,
Brad, old chap, how are you? Glad to see you.

Bradley. Good-evening, Mrs. Perkins. This your eldest? [With a nod
at Perkins.

Mrs. Perkins. My eldest?

Bradley. Yes--judged from his togs it was your boy. What! Can it
be? You! Thaddeus?

Perkins. That's who I am.

Bradley. When did you go into short trousers?

Perkins (with a feeble laugh, glancing at his clothes). Oh, these--
ha, ha! I'm taking up the bicycle. Even if it weren't for the
exhilaration of riding, it's a luxury to wear these clothes. Old
flannel shirt, old coat, old pair of trousers shortened to the knee,
and golf stockings. I've had these golf stockings two years, and
never had a chance to wear 'em till now.

Bradley. You've got it bad, haven't you? How many lessons have you
had?

Perkins. None yet. Fact is, just got my wheel--that's it over there
by the door--pneumatic tires, tool-chest, cyclometer, lamp--all for a
hun.

Bradley (with a laugh). How about life-insurance? Do they throw in
a policy for that? They ought to.

Perkins. No--but they would if I'd insisted. Competition between
makers is so great, they'll give you most anything to induce a
bargain. The only thing they really gave me extra is the ki-yi gun.

Mrs. Perkins. The what?

Perkins. Ki-yi gun--it shoots dogs. Dog comes out, catches sight of
your leg--

Bradley. Mistakes it for a bone and grabs--eh?

Perkins. Well--I fancy that's about the size of it. You can't very
well get off, so you get out your ki-yi gun and shoot ammonia into
the beast's face. It doesn't hurt the dog, but it gives him
something to think of. I'll show you how the thing works. (Gets the
gun from tool-box.) This is the deadly weapon, and I