HT SAYINGS OF MOTHER.

My respected father came to breakfast on New Year's Day remarking that
he had treated himself to a present by donning a new pair of suspenders,
whereupon mother remarked: "Well braced for the New Year, as it were!"

C. T. S.

* * *

After some years of editing stories of events in high society, a
gentleman at an adjacent desk believes he has learned the chief duty of
a butler. It is to call the police.

* * *

"THAT STRAIN AGAIN--IT HAD A DYING SNORT."

Sir: Speaking of soft music and the pearly gates, S. T. Snortum is owner
and demonstrator of the music store at St. Peter, Minnesota.

S. W. E.

* * *

Warren, O., has acquired a lady barber, and dinged if her name isn't
Ethel Gillette.

* * *

No doubt the Manistee News-Advocate has its reason for running the "hogs
received" news under the heading "Hotel Arrivals."

* * *

"I see by an announcement by the Columbia Mills that window shades are
down," communicates W. H. B. "Can it be that the Columbia Mills people
are ashamed of something?" Mebbe. Or perhaps they are fixing prices.

* * *

"For the lovamike," requests the Head Scene-Shifter, "keep the Admirable
Crichton out of the Column. We have twenty-five presses, and it takes a
guard at each press to prevent it from appearing Admiral Crichton."

* * *

Pittsburgh Shriners gave a minstrel show the other night, and the
inspired reporter for the Post mentions that "an intermission separated
the two parts and broke the monotony."

* * *

A Bach chaconne is on the orchestra programme this week. Some one
remarked that he did not care for chaconnes, which moved us to quote
what some one else (we think it was Herman Devries) said: "Chaconne a
son gout."

* * *

"Pond and Pond Donate $500 to Union Pool Fund."--Ann Arbor item.

Quite so.

* * *

If we had not been glancing through the real estate notes we should
never have known that Mystical Schriek lives in Evansville, Ind.

* * *

From the Illinois Federal Reporter: "Village of Westville vs. Albert
Rainwater. Mr. Rainwater is charged with violation of the ordinance in
regard to the sale of soft drinks." Can Al have added a little hard
water to the mixt