ne.

* * *

"Mrs. Fred L. Olson is on the programme to sing vocal
selections."--Portland Telegram.

That's the trouble. They will sing them.

* * *

Our young friend who is about to become a colyumist might lead off with
the jape about the switchman who asked for red oil for his lantern. Then
there is that side-stitching sign, "Pants pressed, 10 cents a leg, seats
free."

* * *

COMMERCIAL CANDOR.

Sir: A tailor in Denver advertises: "If your clothes don't fit we make
them."

W. V. R.

* * *

Heard, by R. M., in a department store: Shoe-polish demonstrator: "And
if you haven't already ruined your shoes with other cleaners this will
do the work."

* * *

FAREWELL!

(_By Poeta._)

Comet, Comet, shining bright
In the spaces of the night,
Every hour swinging higher
From the Sun of thy desire;
Astral vagrant, stellar rover,
Dipping under, dipping over
Path of Venus, Earth, and Mars
Till there's naught beyond but stars;
Cutting, in thy lane elliptic,
Thro' the plane of the ecliptic,
Far beyond pale Neptune's track--
Good-by, Comet! Hurry back!

* * *

AN UNCOMMONLY HAPPY THOUGHT.

(_A. J. Balfour, Letter to Mary Gladstone, 1891._)

"It is unfortunate, considering that enthusiasm moves the world, that so
few enthusiasts can be trusted to speak the truth."

* * *

THE SECOND POST.

[The editor of the Winneconne, Wis., Local to his flock.]

Dear Subscriber: You probably know that the Local editor and his wife
have been away from Winneconne most of the time during the last ten
months. Every month we expected to get back again. The suspense was
somewhat hard. During the meantime Mrs. Flanagan, each week, would
worry and talk about the paper as much as ever. The doctor desired to
have it off her mind. During the meantime she did not want the plant
closed for even a short time. Now it has been decided to take a holiday
vacation, during which time Mr. and Mrs. Flanagan will release
themselves from all business cares and build up in health. No doubt, you
will realize the delicate situation of the affair, and bear with us in
the matter until the Local again resumes its regular publication dates,
for surely both of us are very much attached to the paper, the town, and
its people, and the surrounding country.