teness as well as assurances of self-evident esteem are omitted from
our letters."

E. A. D.

* * *

"It costs 30,000 Lenin rubles a day for food alone," says Prof. Zeidler
of Viborg, referring to so-called life in Russia. Apparently, then,
Lenin has not yet succeeded in making money utterly worthless.

* * *

HE OUGHT TO BE DEPORTED.

Sir: Gum Boot Charlie, an Alaska native, was discussing the present h.
c. l. with a group of citizens of Yakutat, and while condemning the
present administration and conditions generally, he was interrupted by a
Swede who said: "You dam native, if you don't like this country, why
don't you go back where you came from?"

W. W. K.

* * *

A Carbondale youth was arrested for hunting out of season, and the
possession of a gun and a dog is considered, by the Free Press,
"facsimile evidence."

* * *

Then, as D. B. B. reminds, there are the writers of apostrophic verse
who skip lightly from 'you' to 'thou' and 'thee,' and from 'thy' to
'your.' A language less rugged than the English would have been
destroyed long ago.

* * *

We learn from the Monticello, Ind., Journal that a couple narrowly
escaped being asphyxicated by gas from an anthricate coal stove. Young
Grimes must be reporting for that gazette.

* * *

Overheard in an osteopath's office: "When does it hurt you most, when
you set or when you lay?"

* * *

NOTES OF THE ACADEMY OF IMMORTALS.

The following nominations have been received:

For greenskeeper on the Academy links: Mr. Launmore of Pittsburgh. Nom.
by S. C. B.

For bugler: Mr. Mescall of Chicago. Nom. by Circle W.

For legal counsel: Atty. Frank Lawhead of Detroit. Nom. by H. D. T.

For any vacancy: Mr. Void Null of Centralia, Mo. Nom. by E. J. C.

* * *

Miss Seitsinger is organizing a chorus and glee club in the schools of
Northwood, Ia. Yes, very.

* * *

BUTCHER TO THE ACADEMY.

Bill Bull, the Butcher, of Bartlett, Ill.,
Says: "Trade with me. Cut down your bill."

A. G. C.

* * *

The membership committee of the Academy has received numerous protests
against the admission of Charles Ranck, the skunk trapper of Ellsworth,
Neb., and J. K. Garlick, the "pr