's in C major."

"C. Major--that's the man who wrote 'Dorothy Vernon,'" giggled Miss Vera
Cilly.

"I am not discussing ragtime variations," said Mr. Dubbe, severely.

"Not knocking anybody," whispered Miss Gay Votte.

"Another interesting point in connection with this week's program,"
resumed Mr. Dubbe, "is the river motive in Smetana's symphonic poem,
'The Moldau.' Three flutes represent (loosely speaking; for, as I have
often told you, music cannot represent anything) the rippling of the
Moldau, a tributary of the Danube. If the composer had had a larger
river in mind he would have used nine flutes. If this composition of
Smetana's seems rather unmusical, allowance must be made for him, as the
poor man was deaf and couldn't hear how bad his own music was."

"Wasn't Beethoven deaf?" asked Miss Sara Band.

"Only his physical ears were affected," replied Mr. Dubbe. "Smetana's
soul ears were also deaf."

At the close of the lecture Miss Ellenborough gave us a surprise in the
way of raised doughnuts made in the form of a G clef. Mrs.
Gottem-Allbeat poured.

III.

There was an ominous flash in Dr. Dubbe's eye when he arose to address
the class. "We have this week," he began, "a program barbarous enough to
suit the lovers of ultra-modern music. There is Saint-Saens' overture,
'Les Barbares,' to begin with. This is as barbaric as a Frenchman can
get, and is interesting chiefly as a study of how not to use the
trumpets. But for sheer barbarity commend me to Hausegger's
'Barbarossa.' Here we find the apotheosis of modern exaggeration.
Hausegger strove to make up for inimportant themes by a profuse use of
instruments. Only one theme, which occurs in the third movement, is of
any account, and that is an imitation of an old German chorale. In this
most monotonously muted of tone-poems the composer forgot to mute one
instrument--his pen."

"My! but Dr. Dubbe is knocking to-day," whispered Miss Sara Band.

"The thing is in C major and opens with a C major chord," continued Dr.
Dubbe. "That is the end of the C major; it never returns to that key.
This is modern music. Take the third movement. It opens with a
screeching barbershop chord. A little later ensues a prize fight
between two themes, which continues until one of them is knocked out. In
this edifying composition, also, snare drum sticks are used on the
kettle drums. More modern music. Bah!"

I have never seen Dr. Dubbe so irritated.

"Let us turn to somethin