lmaids, etc.

* * *

A yarn about a clean Turk reminded W. D. W. of a story that came
straight from Gallipoli; and in running over the files of the Line we
happened on it. Some British officers were arguing as to which had the
stronger odor, the regimental goat or a Turk. It was agreed to submit
the matter to a practical test, with the Colonel as referee. The goat
was brought in, whereupon the Colonel fainted. A Turk was then brought
in, whereupon the goat fainted.

* * *

As confirming that goat and Turk story, the following extract from a
British soldier's letter, explaining the retreat before Bagdad, is
submitted:

"We had been pursuing the Turks for several weeks, and victory was
within our grasp, when the wind changed."

* * *

As a variant for "loophound," may we suggest "prominent hound about
town"?

* * *

The Isle of Yap, the Isle of Yap,
Where burning Sappho never sung!
You ain't so much upon the map,
But Uncle Samuel murmurs, "Stung!"

* * *

"After submitting a contribution, how long must one remain in suspense?"
asks E. L. W. That, sir, depends, as has been well said. But you would
be safe in assuming, after, say, three months, that the contribution has
been mislaid.

* * *

THE SECOND POST.

[Result of a collection letter that drew a sum on account.]

"Don't get peevish about this. I have a wife and large family. More
coming."

* * *

Heard in the Fort Des Moines Hotel: "Call for Mrs. Rugg! Call for Mrs.
Rugg! Is she on the floor?"

* * *

YES, SOMETIMES WE THROW THE WHOLE MAIL AWAY WITHOUT LOOKING AT IT.

[From the Madison State Journal.]

It isn't "B. L. T." and "F. P. A." that makes the respective columns of
these most celebrated of the "conductors" great. It is their daily mail.
It comes to them in great bags. They open enough letters to fill that
day's column, and consign thousands, unopened, to the waste basket.
There is a fortune to some newspaper syndicate in the unopened mail of
"B.L.T." and "F.P.A."

* * *

A limousine delegate from the Federated Order of Line Scribes has waited
on us to present the demands of the organization, among which are
(1) recognition of the union; (2) appointing a time and place for
meeting with a business committee to determine on a system of collective
b