in the latter, though he speaks
respectfully of Caesar, there is nothing in the shape of a palinode in
general politics.]

CVIII (F V, 12)

TO L. LUCCEIUS[489]

ARPINUM (APRIL)

[Sidenote: B.C. 56, AET. 50]

I have often tried to say to you personally what I am about to write,
but was prevented by a kind of almost clownish bashfulness. Now that I a
not in your presence I shall speak out more boldly: a letter does not
blush. I am inflamed with an inconceivably ardent desire, and one, as I
think, of which I have no reason to be ashamed, that in a history
written by _you_ my name should be conspicuous and frequently mentioned
with praise. And though you have often shewn me that you meant to do so,
yet I hope you will pardon my impatience. For the style of your
composition, though I had always entertained the highest expectations of
it, has yet surpassed my hopes, and has taken such a hold upon me, or
rather has so fired my imagination, that I was eager to have my
achievements as quickly as possible put on record in your history. For
it is not only the thought of being spoken of by future ages that makes
me snatch at what seems a hope of immortality, but it is also the desire
of fully enjoying in my lifetime an authoritative expression of your
judgment, or a token of your kindness for me, or the charm of your
genius. Not, however, that while thus writing I am unaware under what
heavy burdens you are labouring in the portion of history you have
undertaken, and by this time have begun to write. But because I saw that
your history of the Italian and Civil Wars was now all but finished, and
because also you told me that you were already embarking upon the
remaining portions of your work, I determined not to lose my chance for
the want of suggesting to you to consider whether you preferred to weave
your account of me into the main context of your history, or whether, as
many Greek writers have done--Callisthenes, the Phocian War; Timaeus, the
war of Pyrrhus; Polybius, that of Numantia; all of whom separated the
wars I have named from their main narratives--you would, like them,
separate the civil conspiracy from public and external wars. For my
part, I do not see that it matters much to my reputation, but it does
somewhat concern my impatience, that you should not wait till you come
to the proper place, but should at once anticipate the discussion of
that question as a whole and the history of that epoch. And at th