to make Faces at him over the Back Fence and call
him "Sis."

In Due Time he went to College, where he proved to be a Lobster. The
Boys held him under the Pump the first Night. When he walked across the
Campus, they would whistle, "I don't Want to Play in Your Yard." He
began to drink Manhattan Cocktails, and he smoked Hemp Cigarettes until
he was Dotty. One Day he ran away with a Girl who waited on the Table
at his Boarding House, and his Parents Cast him Off. At Present he has
charge of the Cloak Room at a Dairy Lunch.

[Illustration: JOSEPH]

Seeing that the Home Training Experiment had been a Failure in the case
of Joseph, the Parents decided to give Clarence a large Measure of
Liberty, that he might become Acquainted with the Snares and Temptations
of the World while he was Young, and thus be Prepared to side-step the
Pitfalls when he was Older. They sent him to the Public Schools; they
allowed him to roam at large with other Kids, and stay out at Nights;
they kept Liquor on the Sideboard.

[Illustration: CLARENCE]

Clarence stood in with the Toughest Push in Town, and thus became
acquainted with the Snares and Temptations of the World. He learned to
Chew Tobacco and Spit through his Teeth, shoot Craps and Rush the Can.

When his Father suggested that he enter some Business House, and become
a Credit to the Family, he growled like a Boston Terrier, and told his
Father to go Chase Himself.

At present, he is working the Shells with a Circus.

MORAL: _It all depends._

_THE_ FABLE _OF_ HOW _HE_ NEVER TOUCHED GEORGE

A comic Lover named George was sitting on the Front Porch with a good
Side Hold on your old friend Mabel. They were looking into each other's
Eyes at Close Range and using a rancid Line of Nursery Talk.

It was the kind of Conversation calculated to Jar a Person.

George murmured that Mabel was George's own Baby-Daby and she Allowed
that he was a Tooney-Wooney little Bad Boy to hold his Itsy-Bitsy Bun of
a Mabel so tight she could hardly breave. It was a sort of Dialogue
that Susan B. Anthony would love to sit up Nights to Read.

While they were Clinched, Mabel's Father, a large, Self-Made Man, came
down the Stairway and out to the Veranda.

This is where the Fable begins to Differentiate.

Although the Girl's name was Mabel and the Young Man's name was George,
and the Father was a Self-Made Man, the Father did _not_ Kick the Young
Man.

He asked him if he had Anything to Smoke