Editor should never go to a Burgoo Picnic--especially
in Kentucky._

_THE_ FABLE _OF_ FLORA _AND_ ADOLPH _AND A_ HOME GONE WRONG

One morning a Modern Solomon, who had been chosen to preside as Judge in
a Divorce Mill, climbed to his Perch and unbuttoned his Vest for the
Wearisome Grind. He noticed that the first Case looming up on the Docket
was that of Flora Botts vs. Adolph Botts.

The Applicant, Mrs. Botts, and Adolph, the Other Half of the Domestic
Sketch, were already inside the Railing, each attempting to look the
other out of Countenance.

"Break!" ordered the Judge. "Don't act as if you were at Home. Now, what
has Adolph been doing?"

It seemed that she alleged Cruelty, Neglect, Inhuman Treatment, Violent
Temper, Threats, etc., etc.

"We have no Chills-and-Fever Music to lend Effect to the Sad Narrative
you are about to Spring," said the Judge, looking down at the Plaintiff,
who belonged to the Peroxide Tribe. "Furthermore, we will take it for
granted that when you first met Defendant your Innocence and Youth made
it a Walkaway for his Soft Approaches, and that you had every Reason to
believe that he was a Perfect Gentleman. Having disposed of these
Preliminaries, let us have the Plot of the Piece."

So she told her Story in a Tremulous, Viola Allen kind of Voice, while
her Lawyer wept.

[Illustration: MODERN SOLOMON]

He was ready to Weep for anyone who would hand him $8.
Afterthought--make it $7.50.

It was a Dark Tale of how Botts, the Viperish Defendant, had Sneered at
her, called her Oh-Such-Names, humiliated her in the presence of
Callers, and nagged her with Sarcastic Comments until her Tender
Sensibilities had been worn to a Frazzle.

Then the Defendant went on the Stand and entered a General Denial. He
had been all that a Rattling Good Husband could be, but she had been a
regular Rudyard Kipling Vampire. She had continued to make his Life one
lingering Day-After of Regret. His Record for Patience and
Long-Suffering had made Job's Performance look like an Amateur's
Half-Try.

[Illustration: THE VIPER]

"There is more in this Case than appears on the Surface," said the
Modern Solomon. "In order to fix the Blame we shall have to dig up the
First Cause. I will ask Chemical Flora to tell us the Story of her Past
Life."

"My Parents were Poor, but Refined," said Mrs. Botts. "They gave me
Every Advantage. After I finished the High School I attended a
Conservatory, and every one sai