d I had Talent. I should have been an
Elocutionist. Once I went to Rockford and recited "The Tramp's Story" at
a Club Social, and I got a Lovely Notice. I am especially good at
Dialect Recitations."

"Humorous?" asked the Court.

"Yes, sir; but I can turn right around and be Pathetic all of a
sudden, if I want to be."

[Illustration: CHEMICAL FLORA]

"I suppose that Botts, after he had lived with you for awhile, didn't
have any Hankering Desire to hear you Recite," suggested the Modern
Solomon.

"That's just it. When I'd offer to get up in Company and speak Something
he'd ask me please not to Recite, and if I had to make a Show of myself,
for God's Sake not to tackle anything Humorous, with a Conservatory
Dialect to it."

"But you wouldn't let him Stop you?"

"Not on your Life."

"I'd believe you, even if you wasn't under Oath. Now, will Mr. Botts
answer me one Question? Has he any Ambition on the Side?"

"Although I am a Bookkeeper for a Gravel-Roofing Concern, I have always
believed I could Write," replied Adolph Botts. "About four years ago I
began to prepare the Book for a Comic Opera. A Friend of mine who works
in a Hat Store was to Compose the Music. I think he has more Ability
than Victor Herbert."

"Did this Friend think Well of your Libretto?" asked the Wise Judge.

"Yes, sir; he said it was the Best Thing that had been done since
'Erminie.' In fact, everybody liked my Book."

"Except your Wife," suggested the Court.

"That's it, exactly. I wanted Sympathy and Encouragement and she gave me
the Metallic Laugh. There is one Patter Song in my Opera that Every One
who comes to my House has been Crazy to hear. Whenever I started to Sing
it she would talk in a loud Voice. She never seemed to Appreciate my
Stuff. I think the Bleach affected her Head."

"Has the Opera been produced?" asked the Court, with Humane Hesitancy.

"No, the Eastern Managers were all tied up with Harry B. Smith," replied
Mr. Botts. "Then there's a Prejudice against Western Talent."

"Well, Mr. Botts, in View of all the Evidence, I have decided to give
you a Decree of Divorce from Flo of the Wheaten Tresses," said the
Modern Solomon.

"But look here!" exclaimed the Defendant, "I haven't applied for any
Divorce."

"You don't have to. I give it to you anyway. As for you, Mrs. Botts, I
will give you a Decree also. The Alimony will be $25 per."

"Thanks."

"I don't think you grasp the Decision. When I say that the Alimony