a Siding. With a few Potted Palms in front of them, and
two Cards from the Union, they would have been just the same as a Hired
Orchestra.

But they played the Intermezzo and felt Peevish. Then they went to the
Window and looked out. Gus and Myrtle were sitting in the Hammock, which
had quite a Pitch toward the Center. Gus had braced himself by Holding
to the back of the Hammock. He did not have his Arm around Myrtle, but
he had it Extended in a Line parallel with her Back. What he had done
wouldn't Justify a Girl in saying, "Sir!" but it started a Real Scandal
with Fred and Eustace. They saw that the only Way to Get Even with her
was to go Home without saying "Good Night" So they slipped out the Side
Door, shivering with Indignation.

After that, for several Weeks, Gus kept Myrtle so Busy that she had no
Time to think of considering other Candidates. He sent Books to her
Mother, and allowed the Old Gentleman to take Chips away from him at
Poker.

They were Married in the Autumn, and Father-in-Law took Gus into the
Firm, saying that he had needed a good Pusher for a Long Time.

At the Wedding the two Mandolin Players were permitted to act as Ushers.

MORAL: _To get a fair Trial of Speed, use a Pace-Maker._

_THE_ FABLE _OF THE_ MAN _WHO_ DIDN'T CARE _FOR_ STORYBOOKS

Once there was a blue Dyspeptic, who attempted to Kill Time by reading
Novels, until he discovered that all Books of Fiction were a Mockery.

After a prolonged Experience he came to know that every Specimen of
Light Reading belonged to one of the following Divisions:

1. The Book that Promises well until you reach the Plot, and then you
Remember that you read it Summer before last.

2. The book with the Author's Picture as a Frontispiece. The Author is
very Cocky. He has his Overcoat thrown back, so as to reveal the Silk
Lining. That Settles it!

3. The Book that runs into a Snarl of Dialect on the third Page and
never gets out.

4. The delectable Yarn about a Door-Mat Thief, who truly loves the Opium
Fiend. Jolly Story of the Slums.

5. The Book that begins with a twenty-page Description of Sloppy
Weather: "Long swirls of riven Rain beat somberly upon the misty Panes,"
etc., etc.

You turn to the last Chapter to see if it Rains all the way through the
Book. This last Chapter is a Give-Away. It condenses the whole Plot and
dishes up the Conclusion. After that, who would have the Nerve to wade
through the Two Hundred and Forty interm