ldom Smiled, and he knew all about the
Silver Question and how J. Pierpont Morgan done up a Free People on the
Bond Issue.

[Illustration: MEDITATIVE CADDY]

The Caddy wondered why it was that his Father, a really Great Man, had
to shove Lumber all day and could seldom get one Dollar to rub against
another, while these superficial Johnnies who played Golf all the Time
had Money to Throw at the Birds. The more he Thought the more his Head
ached.

MORAL: _Don't try to Account for Anything._

_THE_ FABLE _OF THE_ MARTYR _WHO_ LIKED _THE_ JOB

Once in a Country Town there was a Man with a Weak Back.

He could put a Grindstone into a Farm Wagon if any one wanted to bet him
the Segars, but every time he lifted an Ax, something caught him right
in the Spine and he had to go into the House and lie down. So his Wife
took Boarders and did the Cooking herself.

He was willing to divide the Labor, however; so he did the Marketing.
Only, when he had bought the Victuals, he would squat on a Shoe-Box with
the Basket between his Legs and say that he couldn't see what Congress
wuz thinkin' of.

He had certain Theories in regard to the Alaskan Boundary and he was
against any Anglo-American Alliance becuz Uncle Sam could take care of
himself at any Turn in the Road, comin' right down to it, and the
American People wuz superior to any other Naytionality in every Way,
Shape, Manner and Form, as fur as that's concerned. Then his Wife would
have to send Word for him to come on with the Groceries so she could get
Dinner.

Nearly Everybody Sympathized with her, because she had to put up with
such a big Hulk of a no-account Husband. She was looked upon as a
Martyr.

[Illustration: A MARTYR]

One Day the Husband was Sunstruck, being too Lazy to move into the
Shade, and next Day he Passed Away without an Effort. The Widow gave him
the best Funeral of the Year and then put all the Money she could rake
and scrape into a Marble Shaft marked "At Rest."

A good many People said she was Better Off without him, and it was
certainly a Good Riddance of Bad Rubbish.

They hoped that if she ever Married again she'd pick out Somebody that
wuzn't afraid to Work, and had Gumption enough to pound Sand into a
Rat-Hole.

There was General Satisfaction when she became the Wife of Mr. Gladden,
who owned the General Store. He built a new House, hired a Girl and had
the Washing sent out. She could go into the Store and pick out Anything
she