lk Handkerchief out of his upper Coat Pocket and ignited a
Cigarette that smelt like Burning Leaves in the Fall.

The Business Man went Home, and the Parent followed at a Respectful
Distance, now and then remarking to Himself: "Well, I'll jest swan to
Guinney!"

Brother Lyford came in from the East Eighty to get his Dinner, and there
was Jethro in the Hammock reading a Great Work by Archibald Clavering
Gunter.

"Git into some Overhauls an' come an' he'p Me this Afternoon," said
Lyford.

"Oh, rats! Not on your Tintype! I'm too strong to work," replied
Jethro, who had learned Oodles of slang up in Chicago, don't you forget
it.

[Illustration: PAW]

So he wouldn't Stand for the Harvest Field that afternoon. In the
Evening when Paw ast him to Milk he let out an Awful Beller. Next
Morning he made a Horrible Beef because he couldn't get Loaf Sugar for
his Coffee.

Shortly after Breakfast his Paw lured him into the Barn and Lit on him.
He got a good Holt on the Adam's Apple and choked the Offspring until
his Tongue stuck out like a Pistil.

"You dosh-burned little Pin-Head o' Misery, you!" exclaimed the Old Man.
"Goll bing me if I think you're wuth the Powder to blow you up. You peel
them Duds an' git to Work or else mosey right off o' this Farm."

The Son's Feelings were so outraged by this Brutal Treatment that he
left the Farm that Day and accepted a position in a Five and Ten-Cent
Store, selling Kitchen Utensils that were made of Tin-Foil and Wooden
Ware that had been painted in Water Colors. He felt that he was
particularly adapted for a Business Career, and, anyway, he didn't
propose to go out on No Man's Farm and sweat down his Collar.

After Ten Years of Unremitting Application and Studious Frugality the
Business Man had acquired in Real Estate, Personal Property, Stocks,
Bonds, Negotiable Paper, and other Collateral, the sum of Nineteen
Dollars, but he owed a good deal more than that. Brother Lyford had
continued to be a rude and unlettered Country Jake. He had 240 acres of
crackin' Corn Land (all tiled), a big red Barn, four Span of good
Horses, sixteen Head of Cattle, a likely bunch of Shoats and a Covered
Buggy.

MORAL: _Drink Deep, or Cut Out the Pierian Spring Altogether._

_THE_ FABLE _OF_ PADUCAH'S FAVORITE COMEDIANS _AND THE_ MILDEWED STUNT

Once Upon a Time there was a Specialty Team doing Seventeen Minutes. The
Props used in the Act included a Hatchet, a Brick, a Seltzer Bottle, two