e your own
self, you ancient maverick; whoop 'er up!' and by gosh! dad was so
frightened that he began to dance all around the platform, and it was
like a battle, the bullets splintering the boards, and the smoke filling
the air, and the passengers looking out of the windows and laughing,
and the engineer and fireman looking on and yelling, and dad nearly
exhausted from the exertion. I guess if the conductor had not got the
hot box put out and yelled all aboard, dad would have had apoplexy."

[Illustration: He began to dance all around the platform 037]

"When he let up, the cow boys quit shooting, and he!'ol aboard the train
and started. I stayed in the smoking car with the train butcher for more
than an hour, 'cause I was afraid if I went in the car where dad was he
would make some remark that would offend my pride, and when I did
go back to the car he just said: 'Somebody fooled you. Those fellows
couldn't dance, and I knew it all the time.' Yes, I guess there is no
doubt dad is crazy sometimes, but let me chaperone him through a few
foreign countries and he will stand without hitching all right. Well,
goodby, now, old man, and try and bear up under it, till you get a
letter from me," and the bad boy took his labeled valise and hat box and
started.

CHAPTER III.

The Bad Boy Writes About the Fun They Had Going to
Washington--He and His Dad Call on President Roosevelt--
The Bad Boy Meets One of the Children and They Disagree.

Washington, D. C--My Dear Old Skate: I didn't tell you in my last about
the fun we had getting here. We were on the ocean wave two days, because
the whole country was flooded from the rains, and dad walked the quarter
deck of the Pullman car, and hitched up his pants, and looked across the
sea on each side of the train with a field glass, looking for whales and
porpoises. He seems to be impressed with the idea that this trip abroad
is one of great significance to the country, and that he is to be a sort
of minister plenipotentiary, whatever that is, and that our country is
going to be judged by the rest of the world by the position he takes on
world affairs. The first day out of Chicago dad corraled the porter in a
section and talked to him until the porter was black in the face. I told
dad the only way to get respectful consideration from a negro was to
advocate lynching and burning at the stake, for the slightest things, so
when our porter was unusually attentive to a