ountess' bed-time, and I went back
and told dad the whole thing was arranged for him to meet the countess,
in a half an hour or so, as she had to write a few letters to some
kings and dukes, and when she gave a little scream; as though she was
practicing her voice on an opera, or something, dad was to go and rap
at the door. Gosh, but I was sorry for dad, for he was so nervous and
anxious for the half hour to expire that he walked up and down the room,
and looked at himself in the mirror, and acted like he had indigestion.
I had told the maid that she and the countess must feel perfectly safe,
if anything ever happened, 'cause my dad was the bravest man in the
world, and he would rush to the rescue of the countess, if a burglar got
in in the night, or the water pipes busted, or anything, and all she had
to do was to screech twice and dad would be on deck, and she must open
the door quicker-n scat, and she thanked me, and said she would, and for
me to come, too. Say, on the dead, wasn't that a plot for an amateur to
cook up? Well, sir, we had to wait so long for the countess to get on
the horse chestnut that I got nervous myself, but after awhile there
came a scream that would raise your hair, and I told dad the countess
was singing the opera. Dad said: "Hennery, that ain't no opera, that's
tragedy," but she gave two or three more stanzas, and I told dad he
better hustle, and we went out in the hall and rapped at the door of the
countess' room, and the maid opened it, and told us to send for a doctor
and a policeman, 'cause the countess was having a fit. Well, say, that
was the worst ever. The countess had jumped out of bed, and was pulling
the lace curtains around her, but dad thought she was crazy, and was
going to jump out of the window, and he made a grab for her, and he
shouted to her to "be cam, be cam, poor woman, and I will rescue you."
I tried to pacify the maid the best I knew how, and dad was getting the
countess calmer, but she evidently thought he was an assassin, for every
little while she would yell for help, and then the night watchman came
in with a house policeman, and one of them choked dad off, and they
asked the countess what the trouble was, and she said she had just
retired when she was stabbed about a hundred times in the small of the
back with a poniard, and she knew conspirators were assassinating her,
and she screamed, and this old bandit, meaning dad, came in, and the
little monkey, meaning me,