nd took dad by the neck and said he must keep
his hands off or get another nose put on beside the one he had, and then
they all rolled under a sofa, and how it came out I don't know, but the
next morning dad's eye was blacked, and the fellow who said he was her
husband had his front teeth knocked out, and the actress lost her back
hair and had to wear a silk handkerchief tied around her head the rest
of the trip, and she looked like a hired girl who has been out to a
saloon dance.

The trouble with dad is that he butts in too much. He thinks he is the
whole thing and thinks every crowd he sees is a demonstration for him.
When the steamer left New York, there were hundreds of people on the
dock to see friends off, and they had flowers to present to Unfriends,
and dad thought they were all for him, and he reached for every bunch of
roses that was brought aboard, and was going to return thanks for them,
when they were jerked away from him, and he looked hurt. When the gang
plank was pulled in, and the boat began to wheeze, and grunt, and move
away from the dock, and dad saw the crowd waving handkerchiefs and
laughing, and saying _bon voyage_, he thought they were doing it all for
him, and he started in to make a speech, thanking his fellow countrymen
for coming to see him off, and promising them that he would prove a true
representative of his beloved country in his travels abroad, and that
he would be true to the stars and stripes wherever fortune might place
him, and all that rot, when the boat got so far away they could not hear
him, and then he came off his perch, and said, "Hennery, that little
impromptu demonstration to your father, on the eve of his departure from
his native land, perhaps never to return, ought to be a deep and lasting
lesson to you, and to show you that the estimation in which I am held
by our people, is worth millions to you, and you can point with pride to
your father." I said "rats" and dad said he wouldn't wonder if the boat
was full of rats, and then we stood on deck, and watched the objects of
interest down the bay.

[Illustration: A speech, thanking his fellow countrymen 078]

As we passed the statue of Liberty, which France gave to the republic,
on Bedloe's Island, dad started to make a speech to the passengers, but
one of the officers of the boat told dad this was no democratic caucus,
and that choked him off, but he was loaded for a speech, and I knew
it was only a matter of time when h