perhaps be a _little_ different now.

_Average Man._ Ah! [_A pause._

_Inquirer._ I see the Government's going to have an inquiry about
Agricultural Distress. How are they going to work it?

_First W. I. M._ Royal Commission, of course.

_Second W. I. M._ No, no. It's going to be a Select Committee.

_First W. I. M._ Well, what is the difference?

_Second W. I. M._ Surely _you_ know that. They only have Royal Commissions
for labour and that sort of thing. Committees don't get any pay, you know.

_Inquirer._ Of course. I ought to have remembered that. But who's this Lord
WINCHILSEA AND NOTTINGHAM, who's cutting about the country, talking about
agriculture! What does he know about it? I don't seem to recollect his
name.

_First W. I. M._ He's a Peer.

_Inquirer._ Yes, I know that; but why do they call him Lord WINCHILSEA
_and_ NOTTINGHAM?

_Average Man._ Because that's his name. [_A pause._

_Inquirer_ (_resuming_). But what is he driving at?

_First W. I. M._ He's got hold of the right end of the stick. It's just
this way. (_To_ Inquirer, _who winces under the imputation_.) You're a
foreign country, and I'm a British farmer. Well, you grow your corn for
nothing, and then you chuck it into my markets. Well, what I want to know
is, where do I come in? You may call that Free Trade, if you like--I call
it ruin. The result is, I'm smashed up, and the whole country goes to the
devil!

_Second W. I. M._ But you ought to consider the consumer.

_First W. I. M._ What do you mean by the consumer?

_Second W. I. M._ Why, myself, for instance. I get the benefit of it.

_First W. I. M._ Ah, you may _think_ you do, but you don't really. In the
end you've all to pay more for everything.

_Average Man._ Well, I'm pretty happy as things are.

_First W. I. M._ Oh, of course--and you'd let the land go out of
cultivation. That's mere selfishness.

_Inquirer._ How's that? Can't they work the land now?

_First W. I. M._ What a question! Of course they can't.

_Inquirer_ (_anxiously_). But I've seen 'em ploughing a bit lately.

_First W. I. M._ My dear Sir, they do it just to occupy time--they must do
something.

_Inquirer._ Of course--of course. [_Terminus._

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE RESOURCES OF CIVILISATION.

_M.P._ (_apostrophising ruined hat_). "VERY WELL, THEN, NEXT TIME THERE'S
GOING TO BE A RUSH, I'LL BRING A JAPANNED TIN HAT CHARGED WITH
ELECTRICITY--THEN LET HIM SIT