econd W. I. M._ And they never did let you know, did they? Went and
elected another Johnny. Deuced bad taste I call it.

_Inquirer_ (_creating a diversion_). Look here, I say, what's all this talk
about Agricultural Depression? What does it mean?

_First W. I. M._ What does it mean! Why, my dear chap, I should have
thought that any schoolboy knew that our agriculture is being simply
ruined. If things go on like this, we shan't have a farmer left. They're
all on the verge of bankruptcy.

_Inquirer_ (_doggedly_). I daresay you're right; but, anyhow, I know, when
I was at Chilborough, the other day, I saw a lot of farmers about, and they
looked pretty fat and comfortable. That's why I can't make out what it all
means.

_First W. I. M._ (_resignedly_). Well, I suppose I must explain it all,
from the very beginning. The first point is, we've got Free Trade, and the
farmers want Protection; and old GLADSTONE and all the rest of them say
they're not to have it. Well, that isn't likely to put the farmers in a
good temper, is it? Then, of course, the Americans, and the Russians, and
the Indians see their chance, and they send ship-loads of food into this
country, and the taxes have to be paid all the same by our farmers.

_Second W. I. M._ (_interrupting_). What taxes?

_First W. I. M._ (_flustered_). I wish you wouldn't break in just as I'm
trying to make things clear. Why, the taxes on food, of course.

_Second W. I. M._ There aren't any taxes on food.

_First W. I. M._ Oh, indeed! Well, then, how do you explain Free Trade, and
rent, and all that?

_Second W. I. M._ Now you're getting a bit nearer. It's all a question of
rent. Free Trade's got absolutely nothing to do with it. What we want in
this country is a Sliding-scale.

_Inquirer._ What's a Sliding-scale?

_Second W. I. M._ (_taken between wind and water_). A Sliding-scale? Let me
see--it's very difficult to put these things shortly. A Sliding-scale is
a----well, it's a sort of patent mechanical contrivance for weighing out
things, so as to make it fairer than ordinary scales do. (_Plunges
recklessly._) You can make it slide up or down, you know, and fix it at any
point you like.

_Inquirer._ Really! What a rum-looking thing it must be. Have you ever seen
one?

_Second W. I. M._ Oh yes. They've got two or three in every big town.

_Average Man._ When did you last see it?

_Second W. I. M._ (_suspiciously_). Oh, I haven't seen one for some time.
It _may_