, unless they
had whimpered, and promised not to offend again. It must have been a
delightful evening. To what other banquets will our leading Histrion be
invited? To the Pittites' Club Dinner? To the Wreckers' Banquet? Will he be
entertained by the Dissentient Gallery-Boys' Club, and finish up with a
supper strictly confined to the upper Circles' Society? Instead of "Give
your orders, Gents--the Waiter's in the room!" of old days, the Chairman
will probably advise the enterprising Playgoers to "Ask for 'orders,'
Gents--the Manager's in the room." However, if these heaven-born dramatic
critics occasionally hear a few words of good advice from so honest a guest
as HENRY IRVING, such gatherings may perhaps serve some useful purpose.

* * * * *

Gladstone's Aside on the Irish Members.

You are, in faith, like women--divil doubt you!--
For "there's no living with you, or without you."

* * * * *

VERY BAD DRAINAGE.--Because the London School Board built schools with
defective drainage, the London Ratepayers are to be mulcted in L250,000. A
nice drain this on our pockets!

* * * * *

THE POLITE SPEAKER.

(_Intended for the use of courteous Members of Parliament._)

_Question._ I trust you quite acknowledge that strong language is
absolutely unnecessary in Westminster?

_Answer._ Quite, especially when a compensating description can be found
for every suitable term of abuse.

_Q._ You grasp the idea. How would you describe NERO fiddling during the
burning of Rome?

_A._ I should say that he was a musician with a turn for pleasing
variations.

_Q._ Very good. And how would you speak of GUY FAUX on the eve of blowing
up the House of Commons?

_A._ An experimentalist who would have been a useful lecturer upon
chemistry at the Royal Institution.

_Q._ And could you refer to _Blue Beard_ after the discovery of the cause
of his last widowerhood without giving offence?

_A._ Yes; as a married man who objected on principle to the Mormon practice
of being wedded to more than one wife at a time.

_Q._ Yes. And what would you say of MARIE DE MEDICIS, who is reported to
have fired at the Huguenots from the Louvre?

_A._ I should say that her late Majesty took such an interest in field
sports, as nowadays would have secured her election to the Gun Club.

_Q._ And, lastly, were you asked to describe HENRY THE EIGHTH afte