sent by neighbouring farmers. Wish they'd send
me arrears of rent for glebe instead; yet I daren't ask for them. Evidently
intended as Easter "gifts in kind;" but not the kind I want. Send donkey on
to Curate, and tether cow in back-yard, not having a field. Pigs
temporarily accommodated in back kitchen. Cook threatens to give notice.

Church. Offertory goes to _me_ to-day! Don't half like it. Feel like a
schoolboy expecting to be tipped. Curate rather glum. Finds he thinks my
sending the donkey to him was meant to insult him. When I assure him it
wasn't, he cheers up, and says he'll hold the plate. Does so. Seems very
heavy. Curate distinctly winks at me, which is against the Rubrics, no
doubt, but still seems to be an augury of happy tidings about the sum
collected. On his way to Vestry, Curate whispers to me "Two-fifty!" What
does he mean? Is it two fifty pounds, or shillings? It's neither--it's
_pence_! Really, if this is all the "loyal laity" can do, I may as well
disestablish myself.

Best Easter Offering of all comes by post. Offer of position as
Under-Cashier in a firm of eminent Bone-boilers. Write to accept offer with
thanks. Better to boil bones for other people than to have all the flesh
taken off my own.

* * * * *

THE NEW COINAGE.

Art will now adorn our purses,
Hitherto an artless place;
More than pictures, songs, or verses,
This should elevate the race.

Is it safe to be prophetic?
Will the miser, once abused,
Be considered quite aesthetic,
With the connoisseur confused?

Will the banker, grown artistic,
Talk a jargon new and strange?
Will this feeling, subtle, mystic,
Even reach the Stock Exchange?

Will it from the City banish
Dress that artists should eschew?
Will the hallowed "topper" vanish,
And the frock-coat fade from view?

Will the cabman now be willing,
After driving half a mile,
To accept a high-art shilling,
Not with oaths, but with a smile?

Will the porter at the station
While his thanks pause on his lip,
Gaze in silent admiration
At the beauty of his tip?

"Music hath," so CONGREVE stated,
"Charms to soothe the savage breast";
Numismatic art is fated
May be to be likewise blest.

* * * * *

NAILED!

(_Lord Dufferin and the Gallic Vermin._)

[At the Annual Dinner of the British Chamber of Commerce in Paris,