t, "when they know
where I am. And of course I must send them souvenirs of my Watch on
the Rhine;" and thoughtfully I produced from my pocket some local
tram-tickets, kept for the younger members of the family, and patted
a box of two-penny cigars encouragingly. These I was going to send to
my brother.

Then I rose and, paying the bill, went out to purchase a suitable
memento for a younger sister. Slowly I wandered along the crowded
Hohestrasse in the direction of the Opera House, peering into the
shop-windows for something redolent of the land I was in. Presently
a bright-looking sweetshop attracted me. The window contained a
beautiful selection of chocolate-boxes, with pictures of the Cathedral
or the Rhine Maidens on the lids. In I went and selected a handsome
sample, bound with red plush and bordered with sea-shells. But it was
empty. "Nix sweets," said the girl behind the counter, and offered me
the alternative of a bun. Nothing doing, and I passed on.

Further along the street I stopped before a chemist's shop to regard
a huge pyramid of bottles of eau-de-Cologne displayed in the window.

"The very thing," I said to myself. "What more appropriate souvenir
than a bottle of the local produce?"

That was ten days ago, and this morning I received the following
letter:--.

"Thank you _so_ much for the scent; it was sweet of you, and
arrived safely, only I don't think it _quite_ so nice as the _real_
eau-de-Cologne which I buy at Brown's shop [Brown is the village
grocer] for three-and-nine a bottle. And he says they must have taken
you in properly with a German imitation called eau-de-_Koeln_, and
expects you had to pay a pretty penny for it, though I hope you
didn't, poor boy."

Reader, I ask you.

* * * * *

"INFLUENZA EPIDEMIC--PUBLIC MEETING.

"In order to comply with the regulations of the Board of
Health, each person attending the meeting must occupy 25
sq. feet space."--_Australian Paper_.

"Let me have men about me that are fat."--_Julius Caesar_.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE CHEERFUL PACHYDERM.

ELEPHANT (_faintly intrigued_). "WHO'S THAT TICKLING ME?"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: PEACE PREPARATIONS.

_Music-hall Artist_ (_to partner_). "I RECKON WE OUGHT TO INTRODUCE
SOME NEW FEATURE INTO THE TURN, WITH PEACE COMIN'."

_Partner_. "AH, I'VE BEEN THINKING OF IT TOO. WHAT ABAHT PIN