Second in Command of this unit regrets to announce that he found
it necessary to sentence his Commanding Officer to forty-two days No.
1 F.P. for attempting to maintain discipline; the Second in Command
therefore assumes command of this unit in the absence of the C.O. now
serving sentence.

(4) COURSE.

Would a few officers mind being detailed for the
hundred-and-twenty-first course in the use of Private House Grenades,
13th of this month?

(5) BOOTS, BOLSHEVISTS FOR THE USE OF, ISSUE OF.

The Quartermaster would be greatly obliged if private gentlemen of
the Battalion requiring boots would favour him with a visit at any
time during the day or night.

If not inconvenient to them it would be a kindness if they let him
know what they take.

NOTICE.

The Officer at present in command of the Battalion has pleasure in
announcing that the private residence of the Commanding Officer,
which contains a large number of objects of great beauty and value,
is through its owner's unavoidable absence at present unguarded.

In these circumstances the O.C. is pleased to grant an extension to
all ranks until twelve midnight.

P. PIPSKY,

_Captain and Agitant_.

* * * * *

A SUPER-MORMON.

"A Nelson soldier in a letter states that General ----
informed his unit that he had 2,000 wives to ship out to New
Zealand, and another 2,000 would be ready to leave England
during the next few months."--_New Zealand Paper_.

* * * * *

There was an industrial freak,
As a labourer sadly to seek;
But he leapt into fame
By preferring a claim
For a general Ten-Minutes' Week.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Vicar_ (_to parishioner who has violent quarrels
with her neighbour_), "MRS. CRABBE SENT A MESSAGE THAT SHE HAS QUITE
FORGIVEN YOU. WHAT MESSAGE CAN I TAKE TO HER?"

_Parishioner_. "YOU CAN SAY I 'OPE SHE'LL DIE 'APPY."]

* * * * *

FEARFUL ODDS.

There's no fear that strikes so dumb,
None so hard to overcome,
As the thought that there are two
Eyes that _may_ be watching you.
Here's a perfect illustration
Of that sickening sensation.

Young Lieutenant Jimmy Spry's
Power resided in his eyes;
He'd been able all his days
To revolve them different ways.
For example, let's suppose
That the right one watched his nose,
Then the left--you'll think