ssador to the Court of King Valeroso I.

It foreshadows the wholesale gratuitous distribution of cigarettes,
marmalade and gramophones.

It means the prohibition of the use of the French horn in orchestras
and all places where they play, the reinstatement of the German flute
and the restoration of the German Fleet.

Lastly, it means the compulsory prohibition of all Greek except "Alpha
of the Plough."

* * * * *

TO A SEVEN-YEAR-OLD

(_WITH HIS FIRST CRICKET SET_).

Here's a gift to take and treasure,
England's gift as well as mine,
Symbol of her clean-spent leisure,
Of her youth and strength a sign;
Gleams of sunlight on old meadows
O'er these varnished toys are cast,
And within that box's shadows
Stir the triumphs of the Past.

Still the ancient tale entrances,
Giving us in golden dower
ULYETT'S drives and IVO's glances,
JACKSON'S dash and THORNTON'S power;
Skill of LYTTELTONS and LACEYS,
Grit of SHREWSBURYS and GUNNS;
Pride of STUDDS and STEELS and GRACES
Piling up their English runs.

Take these simple toys as token
Of the champions that have been,
Stalwart in defence unbroken,
Hefty hitters, hitting clean;
And, when capped in Life's eleven,
May you stand as firm as they;
May you, little son of seven,
Play the game the English way.

W.H.O.

* * * * *

"It seems to be a ruling passion amongst certain writers
to portray anybody connected with commerce as being an
ungrammatical ignoramus. Even Kipling panders to this notion
in his conception of a drapery assistant in the person of
'Kipps.'"--_Draper's Organiser_.

But did not Mr. WELLS do something to redress the balance in _Kim_?

* * * * *

[Illustration: "WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO, NO. 4?"

"IT'S NO GOOD, INSTRUCTOR; I AIN'T GOT NO HEAD FOR HEIGHTS."]

* * * * *

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

(_BY MR. PUNCH'S STAFF OF LEARNED CLERKS._)

The latest of the now so fashionable short-story volumes to come my
way is one called _Our Casualty, Etc._ (SKEFFINGTON). Much virtue in
that "_Etc._," which covers other fifteen little tales in the best, or
nearly the best, "Birmingham" manner. I say "nearly," because for its
happiest expression the art of "Mr. GEORGE BIRMINGHAM" demands space
to tangle events into more complicated confusion