red Aunt Emily's own gramophone and
records. I packed the horn anyhow. Such of the records as seemed
difficult to get in I broke into small pieces and shoved in corners.
I nailed the packing-case up with the same nails and addressed it in
the boldest and fiercest of characters to Aunt Emily and caught the
railway-van on the rebound. The deed was done.

I laughed "Ha, ha!" I laughed "Ho, ho!" I would teach Aunt Emily to
return me my own vase.

Next morning came a letter. As I read it perspiration burst out on my
forehead. Language the most awful burst from my lips.

And yet it was a simple letter--from my little cousin Dolly.

"DEAR BOB," it said,--"I sent you a yellow-and-red vase for Christmas.
Your Aunt Emily gave it me as a wedding present. It is not my style and
must be yours, because I have seen one like it in your house. Perhaps
you collect them. Don't tell your Aunt, but I really couldn't bear it.
I forgot to put any note in the box. Happy Christmas.

"Love, DOLLY."

And Aunt Emily would have opened my case by now.

On Christmas Day I received a letter from her which I opened with
cold and clammy fingers.

She thanked me for sending back the gramophone. She was sorry I
did not care for it. She was now sending it to a hospital for
shell-shocked officers. And she wished me a Blithe Yuletide on a
penny card. And she was very sincerely mine.

Anyone can have her for aught I care.

[Illustration: _Unsuccessful House-huntress_. "REALLY ONE SEES SO
FEW OF THE SORT OF MEN WHO USED TO _BUILD_ HOUSES. WHY DOESN'T THE
GOVERNMENT RELEASE MORE CORDUROY TROUSERS AND ENTICE THE LABOURERS
BACK?"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE SUPER-HUMAN DOG.

WHEN YOU CAME HOME ON LEAVE YOUR DOG, UNLIKE SOME
HUMANS, NEVER EXPRESSED SURPRISE AT SEEING YOU _STILL IN ENGLAND_.

NEVER INDULGED IN DEMOBILISATION TALK.

OR HANDED OUT "CHESTNUTS."

OR INTRODUCED YOU TO YOUR C.O. (ALSO ON PASS).

OR BORED YOU WITH HIS OWN DOMESTIC TROUBLES ("LEFT A BOOT-JACK IN
MY DRINKING-TROUGH, SHE DID").

OR INTRUDED HIS PRESENCE AT INOPPORTUNE MOMENTS.

BUT SIMPLY WELCOMED YOU--

--IN HIS OWN--

--INIMITABLE MANNER.]

* * * * *

A SOUTH SEA BUBBLE.

"I want you," said my hostess, "to take in Mrs. Blank. She is
charming. All through the War she has been with her husband in the
South Seas. London is a new place to her."

Mrs. Blank did not look too promising. She was pr