cup," said she, "and kape yer
owld hands off me, for I am a dacent woman."

She shook herself in the car and got mud all over everybody, and finally
took her pail and jumped off at a crossing before arriving at the depot.
As the train came into the depot ten minutes late, and the conductor
jumped off, all mud from head to foot, as though he had been playing
spaniel and retrieving a wounded duck, Supt. Atkins looked at his clothes
and said, "Where in ---- have you been all the time?" The conductor took a
wisp of straw to wipe himself off, and as he threw it under a car he said
he had been in the artificial propagation of the human race. In fact he
had been engaged in the noble work of raising woman to a higher sphere. He
was allowed to go on probation and wash himself. The brakeman went down
there the next day and was fishing in the same hole. He said he didn't
know but there might be more woman in there, but they say he was after the
"tay cup."

NEARLY BROKE UP THE BALL.

A party of well meaning young people from Ripon nearly broke up a dance at
Hazen's cheese factory, out in the country a spell ago. The people around
there are quiet, sober country people, who confine themselves in dancing,
to plain quadrilles and country dances, with an occasional monnie musk, or
a plain waltz. These young Ripon people are on the dance bigger than a
wolf, and they have learned all the Boston dips, and Saratoga bends, and
Newport colic dances, and everything new. There is one dance they have
learned which is peculiar to say the least. It is a species of waltz, but
the couple get together so odd that a person who sees it for the first
time just leans against something and fans himself. When the music strikes
up a waltz the young man opens his arms and doubles himself up like a boy
with the cholera infantum, his hind leg cramps and his head lops over on
one side, and he looks sick, his back humps up like a case of chronic
inflammatory rheumatism, and he is ready. The girl who is with him, when
he begins to have spasms, at once seems to go into a trance. Her back gets
up like a cat, she bends over towards him, her forward leg gets out of
joint at the knee, her neck takes a cramp, her mouth opens and she lolls,
her eyes roll like a steer that has turned the yoke, and just before she
dies she falls into the arms of the deceased and they are ready. For a
moment they stand and squirm like angle-worms on a hook, and froth at the
mouth, and