ation: AT THE TELEPHONE.]

If we have done wrong in talking with a total strangers who took us for a
lady friend, we are willing to die. We couldn't help it. For an hour we
would not answer the constant ringing of the bell, but finally the bell
fluttered as though a tiny bird had lit upon the wire and was shaking its
plumage. It was not a ring, but it was a tune, as though an angel, about
eighteen years old, a blonde angel, was handling the other end of the
transmitter, and we felt as though it was wrong for us to sit and keep her
in suspense, when she was evidently dying to pour into our auricular
appendage remarks that we ought to hear.

And still the bell did flut. We went to the cornucopia, put our
ear to the toddy stick and said, "What ailest thou darling, why dost thy
hand tremble? Whisper all thou feelest to thine old baldy." Then there
came over the wire and into our mansard by a side window the following
touching remarks: "Matter enough. I have been ringing here till I have
blistered my hands. We have got to have ten car loads of hogs by day after
to-morrow or shut down." Then there was a stuttering, and then another
voice said, "Go over to Loomis' pawn shop. A man shot in"--and another
voice broke in singing, "The sweet by and by, we shall meet on that
beautiful"--and another voice said--"girl I ever saw. She was riding with
a duffer, and wiped her nose as I drove by in the street car, and I think
she is struck after me."

It was evident that the telephone was drunk, and we went out in the hall
and wrote on a barrel all the afternoon, and gave it full possession of
the office.

CONVENIENT CURRENCY.

What we want is a currency that every farmer can issue for himself. A law
should be passed making the products of the farm a legal tender for all
debts, public and private, including duties on imports, interest on the
public debt, and contributions for charitable purposes. Then we shall have
a new money table about as follows:

Ten ears of corn make one cent.
Ten cucumbers make one dime.
Ten watermelons make one dollar.
Ten bushels of wheat make one eagle.

THE GOSPEL CAR.

Because there are cars for the luxurious, and smoking cars for
those who delight in tobacco, some of the religious people of
Connecticut are petitioning the railroad companies to fit up
"Gospel cars." Instead of the card tables, they want an organ and
piano, they want the seats arranged facing the centr