off th' housekeepin' expinses on a rash successor wud
find throuble ready f'r him whin he come back to Ar-rchey Road. No,
sir, whin our people grab hands at th' altar, they're hooked up f'river.
There's on'y wan decree iv divoorce that th' neighbors will recognize,
an' that's th' wan that entitles ye to ride just behind th' pall
bearers. That's why I'm a batch. 'Tis th' fine skylark iv a timprary
husband I'd make, bringin' home a new wife ivry Foorth iv July an'
dischargin' th' old wan without a charackter. But th' customs iv th'
neighbors are agin it.

"But 'tis diff'rent with others, Hinnissy. Down be Mitchigan Avnoo
marredge is no more bindin' thin a dhream. A short marrid life an' an
onhappy wan is their motto. Off with th' old love an' on with th' new
an' off with that. 'Till death us do part,' says th' preacher. 'Or th'
jury,' whispers th' blushin' bride.

"Th' Divoorce Congress, Hinnissy, that I'm tellin' ye about was
assembled to make th' divoorce laws iv all th' States th' same. It's a
tur-rble scandal as it is now. A man shakes his wife in wan State on'y
to be grabbed be her an' led home th' minyit he crosses th' border.
There's no safety f'r anny wan. In some places it's almost impossible
f'r a man to get rid iv his fam'ly onless he has a good raison. There's
no regularity at all about it. In Kentucky baldness is grounds f'r
divoorce; in Ohio th' inclemency iv th' weather. In Illinye a woman can
be freed fr'm th' gallin' bonds iv mathrimony because her husband wears
Congress gaiters; in Wisconsin th' old man can get his maiden name back
because his wife tells fortunes in th' taycup.

"In Nebrasky th' shackles ar-re busted because father forgot to wipe his
boots; in New York because mother knows a Judge in South Dakota. Ye can
be divoorced f'r annything if ye know where to lodge th' complaint.
Among th' grounds ar-re snorin', deefness, because wan iv th' parties
dhrinks an' th' other doesn't, because wan don't dhrink an' th' other
does, because they both dhrink, because th' wife is addicted to sick
headaches, because he asked her what she did with that last $10 he give
her, because he knows some wan else, because she injyes th' society iv
th' young, because he f'rgot to wind th' clock. A husband can get a
divoorce because he has more money thin he had; a wife because he has
less. Ye can always get a divoorce f'r what Hogan calls incompatibility
iv temper. That's whin husband an' wife ar-re both cross at th'