ment?"

"An advertisement is the picture of a pretty girl eating, wearing,
holding or driving something that somebody wants to sell."

A violinist was bitterly disappointed with the account of his recital
printed in the paper of a small town.

"I told your man three or four times," complained the musician to
the owner of the paper, "that the instrument I used was a genuine
Stradivarius, and in his story there was not a word about it, not a
word."

Whereupon the owner said with a laugh:

"That is as it should be. When Mr. Stradivarius gets his fiddles
advertised in my paper under ten cents a line, you come around and let
me know."

"Oh, we called about the flat advertised."

"Well, I did mean to let it, but since I've read the house-agent's
description of it, I really feel I can't part with it."

CLASSIFIED AD MANAGER--"Your advertisement begins: 'Wanted: Silent
Partner.'"

ADVERTISER--"Yes, that's right."

CLASSIFIED AD MANAGER--"Do you want this placed under Business
Opportunities or Matrimony?"

"Say, Jim," said the friend of the taxicab-driver, standing in front
of the vehicle, "there's a purse lying on the floor of your car."

The driver looked carefully around and then whispered: "Sometimes when
business is bad I put it there and leave the door open. It's empty,
but you've no idea how many people'll jump in for a short drive when
they see it."

Recently the L. P. Ross Shoe Company inserted an advertisement in a
Rochester paper for vampers and closers-up. Among the answers received
was one from a young lady who signed herself Miss Mabelle Jones and
gave her address as General Delivery, Rochester. The letter said in
part:

"_Gentlemen_: I have seen your ad for vampires and close-ups and I
would like the job. I have been studying to vamp for several years and
have been practising eye work for a long while. My gentlemen friends
tell me that I have the other movie vamps backed off the map. I
have made a particular study of Theda Bara. I don't know much about
close-ups, but suppose I could learn. I have a good form, swell brown
eyes, and a fine complexion."

"If you would like, I will call and show you what I can do. I have
been looking for a vampire job, but never saw no ads in the papers
before."
"Yours,"
"MABELLE JONES."

"P. S.--Do you furnish clothes for your vampires? I have just come to
Rochester and so I hav