nd had preened myself for my first
client who might come along when, through the glass of my door I saw
a shadow. Yes, it was doubtless some one to see me. Picture me, then,
grabbing the nice, shiny receiver of my new phone and plunging into an
imaginary conversation. It ran something like this: 'Yes, Mr. S.,' I
was saying as the stranger entered the office, 'I'll attend to that
corporation matter for you. Mr. J. had me on the phone this morning
and wanted me to settle a damage suit, but I had to put him off, as I
was too busy with other cases. But I'll manage to sandwich your case
in between the others somehow. Yes. Yes. All right. Goodby.' Being
sure, then, that I had duly impressed my prospective client, I hung up
the receiver and turned to him. 'Excuse me, sir,' the man said,
'but I'm from the telephone company. I've come to connect your
instrument.'"

BOARD OF HEALTH

Strolling along the quays of New York harbor, an Irishman came across
the wooden barricade which is placed around the inclosure where
immigrants suspected of suffering from contagious diseases are
isolated.

"Phwat's this fince for?" he inquired of a bystander.

"Oh," was the reply; "that's to keep out fever and things like that,
you know."

"Indade!" said Pat. "Oi've often heard of the board of health, but
bejabers, it's the first time Oi've seen it!"

BOARDING HOUSES

The fare at a certain boarding-house was very poor. A boarder who had
been there for some time, because he could not get away, was standing
in the hall when the landlord rang the dinner-bell. Whereupon an old
dog that was lying outside on a rug commenced to howl mournfully.

The boarder watched him a little while and then said: "What on earth
are you howling for? You don't have to eat it!"

In the soft firelight even the boarding-house sitting-room looked cozy
and attractive. The warmth and comfort thawed the heart of the "star"
boarder. He turned to the landlady and murmured. "Will you be my
wife?"

"Let me see," replied the landlady, "you have been here four years.
You have never once grumbled at the food or failed to pay my bill
promptly and without question. No, sir, I'm sorry. You're too good a
boarder to be put on the free list!"

BOASTING

The engineer had become tired of the boastful talk he heard from the
other engine drivers at his boarding-house. One evening he began:

"This morning I went over to see a new machine we've got at our