wd lairds of Lanarkshire had evidently experienced the
difficulties of collecting money lent to friends.

"Laird," a neighbor accosted him one morning, "I need twenty poonds.
If ye'll be guid enough to tak ma note, ye'll hae yere money back agin
in three months frae the day."

"Nae, Donald," replied the laird, "I canna do it."

"But, laird, ye hae often done the like fer yere friends."

"Nae, mon, I canna obleege ye."

"But, laird--"

"Will ye listen to me, Donald? As soon as I took yere note ye'd draw
the twenty poonds, would ye no?"

Donald could not deny that he would.

"I ken ye weel, Donald," the laird continued, "and I ken that in
three months ye'd nae be ready to pay me ma money. Then, ye ken, we'd
quarrel. But if we're to quarrel, Donald, I'd rather do it noo, when I
hae ma twenty poonds in ma pocket."

ASKER--"Could you lend me a V?"

TELLIT--"No, I couldn't."

ASKER--"Have you a friend that would lend me a V?"

TELLIT--"No. I have not a friend to spare."

"Has Owens ever paid back that $10 you loaned him a year ago?"

"Oh, yes; he borrowed $25 more from me last week and only took $15."

An Oriental story tells us of a man who was asked to lend a rope to a
neighbor. His reply was that he was in need of the rope just then.

"Shall you need it a long time?" asked the neighbor.

"I think I shall," replied the owner, "as I am going to tie up some
sand with it."

"Tie up sand!" exclaimed the would-be borrower. "I do not see how you
can do that!"

"Oh, you can do almost anything with a rope when you do not want to
lend it," was the reply.

MISS PRITTIKID--"But, father, he is a man you can trust."

HER PA--"Gracious, girl; what I want is one I can borrow from."

BOSTON

MR. PENN--"They say the streets in Boston are frightfully crooked."

MR. HUBB--"They are. Why, do you know, when I first went there I could
hardly find my way around."

"That must be embarrassing."

"It is. The first week I was there I wanted to get rid of an old cat
we had, and my wife got me to take it to the river a mile away."

"And you lost the cat all right?"

"Lost nothing! I never would have found my way home if I hadn't
followed the cat!"

Owing to the war a distinguished Boston man, deprived of his summer
trip to Europe, went to the Pacific coast instead. Stopping off at
Salt Lake City, he strolled about the city and made the acquaintance
of a little Mormon girl.

"I'm from Boston," he