l larn. He's young yet, th' Loot is; an' he's goin' out
to th' Ph'lippeens to wurruk f'r Cousin George. Cousin George is no
hero, an' 'tisn't on record that anny wan iver thried to scandalize
his good name be kissin' him. I'd as lave, if I was a foolish woman,
which, thanks be, I'm not, hug a whitehead torpedo as Cousin George.
He'll be settin' up on th' roof iv his boat, smokin' a good see-gar,
an' wondhrin' how manny iv th' babbies named afther him 'll be in th'
pinitinchry be th' time he gets back home. Up comes me br-rave Hobson.
'Who ar-re ye, disturbin' me quite?' says Cousin George. 'I'm a hero,'
says th' Loot. 'Ar-re ye, faith?' says Cousin George. 'Well,' he says,
'I can't do annything f'r ye in that line,' he says. 'All th' hero
jobs on this boat,' he says, 'is compitintly filled,' he says, 'be
mesilf,' he says. 'I like to see th' wurruk well done,' he says, 'so,'
he says, 'I don't thrust it to anny wan,' he says. 'With th' aid iv a
small boy, who can shovel more love letthers an' pothry overboard thin
anny wan I iver see,' he says, 'I'm able to clane up me hero business
before noon ivry day,' he says. 'What's ye'er name?' he says.
'Hobson,' says th' loot. 'Niver heerd iv ye, says Cousin George.
'Where 'd ye wurruk last?' 'Why,' says th' Loot, 'I'm th' man that sunk
th' ship,' he says; 'an' I've been kissed be hundherds iv women at
home,' he says. 'Is that so?' says Cousin George. 'Well, I don't
b'lieve in sinkin' me own ship,' he says. 'Whin I'm lookin' f'r a
divarsion iv that kind, I sink somebody else's,' he says. ''Tis
cheaper. As f'r th' other thing,' he says, 'th' less ye say about
that, th' betther,' he says. 'If some iv these beauchious Ph'lippeen
belles ar-round here hears,' he says, 'that ye're in that line, they
may call on ye to give ye a chaste salute,' he says, 'an',' he says,
'f'rget,' he says, 'to take th' see-gars out iv their mouths,' he
says. 'Ye desthroyed a lot iv coal, ye tell me,' he says. 'Do ye,' he
says, 'go downstairs now, an' shovel up a ton or two iv it,' he says.
'Afther which,' he says, 'ye can roll a kag iv beer into me bedroom,'
he says; 'f'r 'tis dhry wurruk settin' up here watchin' ixpansion
ixpand,' he says.

"That's what Cousin George 'll say to th' Loot. An', whin th' Loot
comes back, he won't be a hero anny more; an', if anny woman thries to
kiss him, he'll climb a three. Cousin George 'll make a man iv him.
'Tis kicks, not kisses, that makes men iv heroes."

"Well, meb