compare with it. So I
wrote wan mesilf. They was much th' same. "Sure," says I, "th' Cap's
guilty," I says. But how did he do it? I thried a number iv
experiments. I first laid down over th' letther a piece of common
tissue paper. Th' writin' was perfectly plain through this. Thin I
threw it on a screen eighteen hands high. Thin I threw it off. Thin I
set it to music, an' played it on a flute. Thin I cooked it over a
slow fire, an' left it in a cool airy place to dhry. In an instant it
flashed over me how th' forgery was done. "Th' Cap first give it to
his little boy to write. Thin he had his wife copy it in imitation iv
Macchew Dhryfuss's handwritin'. Thin Macchew wrote it in imitation iv
Estherhazy. Thin th' Cap had it put on a typewriter, an' r-run through
a wringer. Thin he laid it transversely acrost a piece of wall paper;
an', whereiver th' key wurrud sponge-cake appeared, he was thereby
able f'r to make a sympathic lesion, acquirin' all th' characteristics
iv th' race, an' a dam sight more."

"'I follow ye like a horse afther a hay wagon,' says th' prisident,
'hungrily, but unsatisfacthrly. Ye do not prove that th' throuble was
symotic, mong expert.'

"'Parfictly,' says Moosoo Bertillon. 'I will have me assistants put up
a screen, an' on this I will projooce ividince'--"'Go away,' says th'
prisident. 'Call Colonel Prystalter. Mong colonel, ye thraitor,
describe th' conversation ye had with Colonel Schneider, th' honorable
but lyin' spy or confidential envoy iv th' vin'rable Impror iv
Austhrich, may th' divvle fly way with him! But mind ye, ye must
mintion no names.'

"'I know no man more honest,' says th' witness.

"'Thin your acquaintance is limited to ye'ersilf,' says Gin'ral
Merceer.

"'Colonel Schneider,' says th' witness, 'th' Austhrich,--whom I will
designate, f'r fear iv internaytional entanglements, merely as Colonel
Schneider,--says to me, he says: "Th' letther pretindin' to be fr'm me
is a forgery." "How's that?" says I. "Didn't ye write an' sign it?" I
says. "I did," says he. "But some wan else sint it to th' pa-apers."

"'Thin 'tis clearly a forgery,' says th' prisident.

"'I wish to ask this witness wan question,' says Gin'ral Merceer. 'Was
it th' Robin shell or th' day befure?'

"'My answer to that,' says th' witness, 'is decidedly, Who?'

"'Thin,' says Gin'ral Merceer, 'all I can say is, this wretch's
tistimony is all a pack iv lies.'

"'Hol' on there!' calls a voice from th' aujience