e to read thim, but we will look at thim
afther th' thrile. In th' mane time we will call upon Gin'ral Merceer,
that gallant man, to tell us th' sthory iv his life.'

"'I obey, mon colonel,' says Gin'ral Merceer, kissin' th' coort. 'Not
to begin too far back, an' to make a long sthory short, I am an honest
man, an' th' son iv an honest man. I admit it.'

"'Good,' says th' prisident. 'D'ye recognize th' pris'ner?' 'I do,'
says Gin'ral Merceer, 'I seen him wanst dhrinkin' a shell iv Munich
beer in a caafe. [Marked sensation in th' coort, an' cries iv 'Abase
la bock.']

"'I says to mesilf thin, "This man is a thraitor." But th' thrainin'
iv a sojer makes wan cautious. I determined to fortify mesilf with
ividince. I put spies on this man, this perfiejous wretch, an'
discovered nawthin'. I was paralyzed. An officer iv th' Fr-rinch
ar-rmy, an' nawthin' suspicyous about him! Damnable! I was with
difficulty resthrained fr'm killin' him. But I desisted. [Cries iv
'Shame!'] I said to mesilf: "Th' honor iv Fr-rance is at stake. Th'
whole wurruld is lookin' at me, at me, Bill Merceer. I will go to bed
an' think it over." I wint to bed. Sleep, blessed sleep that sews up
th' confused coat-sleeve iv care, as th' perfiejous Shakspere [cries
iv 'Conspuez Shakspere!'] says, dayscinded on me tired eyes. [The
coort weeps.] I laid aside me honor [cries iv 'Brave gin'ral'] with me
coat [murmurs]. I slept.

"'I dhreamed that I see th' German Impror playin' a Jew's-harp. [Cries
iv 'Abase Rothscheeld!' an' sensation.] I woke with a vi'lent start,
th' perspiration poorin' fr'm me rugged brow. "Cap Dhryfuss is
guilty," I cried. But no, I will confirm me ividince. I darted into me
r-red pants. I dhruv with fury to th' home iv Madame Cleepathry, th'
cillibrated Agyptian asthrologist an' med'cin woman. [Th' coort, 'We
know her, she supplies ividence to all Fr-rinch coorts.'] I tol' her
me dhream. She projoosed a pack iv cards. She tur-rned a r-red king
an' a black knave. "Th' Impror Willum an' Cap Dhryfuss," I says, in a
fury. I burst forth. I had Cap Dhryfuss arristed. I dashed to th'
prisident. He was a-receivin' rayfusals f'r a new cabinet. "I have
found th' thraitor," says I. "Hush!" says he. "If th' Impror Willum
hears ye, he'll declare war," he says. I was stupefied. "Oh, my
beloved counthry!" I cried. "Oh, hivin!" I cried. "What shall I do?"
I cried. They was not a minyit to lose. I disbanded th' ar-rmy. I
ordhered th' navy into dhry doc