ime. With the Pessiphone there is now absolutely no
excuse for cheerfulness. It is the marvel of the age, and has very
fittingly been described as worth a guinea a groan. With one pint of
petrol the Pessiphone will disseminate more depression throughout the
household in ten minutes than could be accomplished in a day by thirty
human pessimists.

As soon as people commence to be cheerful all you have to do is to press
the button and hold on to something. A child can start it but nobody can
stop it. Ten minutes is all that is sufficient to give a whole family
melancholia or creeping dyspepsia. It has been known to be fatal at 200
yards' range. Messrs. WILKIE BARD and _George Graves_ have already
offered a heavy reward for the body dead or alive of the inventor--a
fact which speaks highly for the machine and its maker.

When the instrument was first tried on a select party of confirmed
optimists two of them rushed out of the office and have not been heard
of since, while the others clawed savagely at the office mat.

No burglar will go near it. It will drive away rate-collectors and poor
relations. One client has already used it on his mother-in-law with
favourable results.

The Pessiphone is fitted with a little oil-bath, all black fittings,
self-starting lever, Stormy Arthur two-speed gear, thus rendering it
easy of change from "Mildly Miserable" to "Devastating," and the whole
is packed complete with accessories and delivered carriage free to your
back garden, where it may be let loose.

The following letters from grateful pessimists--all involuntary
contributions--speak for themselves:--

Gentlemen,--For years I have been troubled with ginger hair, but
since using the Pessiphone I have had the beastly stuff turn
grey.

Dear Sirs,--I used to read _The Moaning Herald_ aloud each
morning, but I now use the Pessiphone with more deadly effect.

Householder writes: Please turn the Pessiphone off at the main.
None of my family has been able to get near the house for five
days.

Golder's Green says: The other day the butcher's boy, cheerful
as usual, was coming up the garden path whistling, and though it
may hardly seem credible this so affected the Pessiphone that it
actually jumped off the table and bit the boy.

* * * * *

A CHANGE OF CURE.

"The Infectious Diseases Hospital at Colchester has been
appointed to the vicarage